contemplating numbers

I just 'realized' that today is my birthday.

I mean, it wasn't a total surprise, since I had friends and families calling up and sending messages and cards; along with their wishes that I grow better from my previous years.

Well, I had a pretty long day...so I guess now is when it really starts to 'knock on my door' :)

Am 26 right now.

So I've already went over the 25 year point. Not that there is such a thing, but it just seems like I've come to the 'end' of the 'safety rope' and now its time to start 'walking' on my own.

As I was approaching the day towards my birthday, I tried to think of a 'theme' for the year. I even asked my friends to pitch in and give ideas. As I was randomly trying to choose 'which theme' to go by.....I realized that my life has always sort of been pretty 'random'.

I 'randomly' got a job when I was in university, 'randomly' got accepted to another one a week before I graduated, 'randomly' ended up in one of my dream jobs, 'randomly' got in to one of institutions I had only 'dreamt' about for years, and now 'randomly' (well the randomization of course got less and less, more effort and struggle was put in as years went by)...

And then it suddenly hit me.

Maybe life (up to the age of 25) had been trying to 'train' me into believing I could do stuff, opening my eyes to wider possibilities. Putting me into situations I had not envisioned I'd be in before....it was all some sort of training, and I had the 'comfort' of my 'safety net' which was of course my family & friends.

Months approaching this day....I had found myself deprived of these luxuries. I was 'suddenly' far away from home (well, relatively far I guess, since studying does make it difficult for me to just hop on a plane and go home, and to think that Singapore is so close); my friends were all either tying the knot, moving away, or studying in different countries. You got the feeling of being alone and that perhaps 'random' experiences might not be as comfortable as before.

So now, what am I realizing by this 'turning point'?

That, Yes, I do need to make 'plan of actions'; that, Yes, I must take more responsibility and that I will be facing more of this responsibility whether I like it or not. That there might not be a 'comfort zone' available anytime I need it, unless I create my own.

So, instead of making 'random' targets for this next 1 year, I've tried to envision a sort of 'story board' and make my intermediate targets accordingly.
Well, it’s not a perfect plan yet, but at least the blue print is already on the table.

All it takes now is more effort, more concentration and more prayers.

A friend told me that 'life begins at 40, so just relax, you still have time',
But for me, I think, 'life begins when you want it to begin'

So, here's to Life!
Cheers!

-moenlite-
09/09/78-09/09/04