Friday, April 29, 2005

a shed of light...



/having my tea/listening to maroon five/feeling a bit low key
/staring at life/wondering...

looking back, i was always this new kid in school, the new kid in the neighborhood...
too many times in fact.
always had to play this ‘some one new one no one’ that people noticed standing in the front of the classroom, being introduced...so many faces, so many names, so many stories, disconnected...
looking not so far back, i’m almost always the new person around, moving in, moving out. too easy now...
‘guess, now I understand why things have happened the way they have.
no, am not in regrets. no, its not some sort of excuse.
yes, it has caused good, also not so good.

no, wouldn't want it differently.
it just is. that’s all...

-moenlite-
[feeling the sun staring back in the face]

*picture:
'staring at the sun'

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

...just in between...

pilot.

-moenlite-
[two down, two to go...]

Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, April 24, 2005

as tomorrow comes



bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

-moenlite-
[exam mode, on]

*picture:
www.islamic-paths.org/ images/kcl-islam_small.jpg

Saturday, April 23, 2005

one day at a time



..14 days and my thesis work will start [oh my...]
..12 days and this semester will be over [yipiee...]
..5 days and I’d be officially in Singapore for 10 months [just another 8 months to go...]
..5 days and my term paper needs to be submitted, yet need to attend this luncheon with some delegates from Sri Lanka [hmmm...]
..2 days and my exams will begin [wish me luck...]

guess I’ll just have to take ‘em as they come...

-moenlite-
[first things first...]

*picture:
'Golden clock Harvard hall', Steven Pinker

Monday, April 18, 2005

words to ponder



[wise advice from a friend]

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are
superior.
Don't philander because you think you are
irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old
enough and know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate.!

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything
or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr Wrong
because your biological
clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won.
Only a price to be paid for some of life's more
hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the
homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all
the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and
be the best of what you can
be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends,
nasty habits, and
dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't
overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and
feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to
take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It is true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving
them a portion of your life
that you'll never get back. Your time is your
life. That is why the greatest
gift you can give someone is your time.
Relationships take time
and effort, and the best way to spell love is
T-I-M-E because the essence of
love is not what we think or do or provide for
others, but how much we give
of ourselves.

-moenlite-
[pondering...]

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

today’s log



am at the peak of my soul
a bit timid yet happy
that things have turned out just fine
God’s given me wonders not even I could foresee
hope I’ll be cautious and able to spread my blessings to those around me

-moenlite-
[am definitely in a happy state...]

*picture:
'Dancing in thin places', Blair Anderson

some wonder why...



[if i could have told her...]

hati terbuang
yang terbilang jangan
mimpi yang dulu telah terasa layu

jalan terlihat tak seindah dulu
ia yang kaku sudah tampak merayu
indah hati memang tergantung hari
jika merebak coba di pikir lagi

-moenlite-
[seeing your rainbow...]

*picture:
'Bee on thistle', Steven Pinker

barely there...



...[if I may quote]...

ON BEING TWENTY SOMETHING

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.

You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better.

Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Send this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human,
enough hope to make you happy...


-moenlite-
[getting by...]
[am so grateful i have you...]

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

[in a different light...]

Fell very ill a few days ago, due to some food poisoning (totally my own-doing, *embarassing enough to admit that hehehe...let’s just say this sweet someone *wink wink* didn’t know that tuna fish shouldn’t be left in the fridge inside its can and that the cheese spread she used had expired some days back...hmmmm...wonder who this person could be...can you guess? :P) 

Anyways, suffered through dehydration as a result of constantly vomiting over 20 times within one hour, diarrhea included (hey, I’ve spared the details, believe me)...and was feeling pretty desperate being alone in the room (bathroom included) and didn’t have the power to come out and knock my flat mates’ rooms for help. Didn’t want to bother them anyway. 
Thought, ‘just one more time, and it’ll be over’...yet, the next rounds of sickness kept coming, and my misery seemed endless... 

Good thing I had my cell phone to my rescue, could only sms my friend (who was somewhere in central java, yet I was certain would respond to my message in no time) who gave me my moral support (thanks). 
Funny how I was hesitant to bother my brother who was in town, yet heading for the airport; my flat mate who was having her friend over; my other flat mate who I knew was studying; another friend who I thought was preparing for his exams the next day; and another friend who I tried to call yet seemed unreachable at the moment. 
Plus, was actually waiting for (and a bit nervous) about a pretty important (formal) phone call for my thesis work some minutes back (which just added the agony). 

Was then convinced that the only hope was my studying-flat mate who turned out to be my life-savior. 
Boy was she quick on her feet. She managed to get the cab, contact our neighbour who had actually been to the hospital (can’t tell you how grateful I am now realizing that we live only 5 minutes away from the national hospital here), helped me get all my necessities (student pass, passport, wallet, and of course...vomit-free equipment :P), get me to the emergency room and accompanied me the whole way through. 

The hospital was all up and about as well (makes you want to ensure this same service would be accessible in your own home town, hmmm...the only way is to make that happen I guess, yet that’s a different posting :)). 
Was hospitalized for a day, the doctor put me on I.V, injected some stuff and had me rest. He said it could have been close... 

And my flat mate, Bing, was there the whole time, waiting in the waiting hall (continued studying of course ;), took me back home, and was even kind enough to cook some steam egg (you can only imagine how much gratitude my mom had conveyed when she spoke to Bing on the phone). Yup, can’t thank you enough, Bing. 

Felt silly not to think I could have counted on her. 
Felt silly to think I was on top of things. 
Felt silly not to take damn good care of myself. 
Felt silly to think I knew it all. 

Yes, it was close, yet God still spared me my life. 
Alhamdulillahirrabbilalamiin... 


-moenlite- 
[when you least expect the bang...] 

*picture: 
'Shadow Sparrow', Leslye Bloom 
Mixed Media, 2004

Saturday, April 09, 2005

strolling along



a man walks past
and thinks of his loved ones
remembers their smiles
remembers their hopes

he walks on
and thinks of himself
his journey
his story

he walks on yet wonders
has he come to the point where he should feel happy
or is the road still far ahead...

-moenlite-
[when one wonders too much]

*picture:
http://www.londonphotos.org/archives/bench-thumb.jpg

Friday, April 08, 2005

the night's still young



Met up with a good old friend just now.

Walked around town and then hanged out with some of her other friends who live here in Singapore. Funny how all 6 of us were from totally different places, connected through different ways, yet were just there having our nachos and drinks and really enjoying the evening.

Actually this has been the 4th time my friend's path and mine have crossed, all in totally different places, even over different oceans. Interesting how two people from totally different places, can share so many stories.

Yes, it was so good to see her again.
And as we were all sending her off to the cab that would take her to the airport, I couldn’t help wonder where our next meeting place would be.

Doesn't matter really, as long as it’ll be the same old sweet friend :)

-moenlite-
[counting her blessings]

*picture:
'prairie silhouette'