resisting the finish line

just a bit more....
til the finish line.

but why is it so hard to set my feet to reach it?

-moenlite-
[tired...]

in a time span

People say time runs fast when you’re having fun, but I think you only (really) note it runs fast when you face changes in your life. Yup, and for someone who’s ‘only’ 27 (wow, was almost going to write '26' hehehe...), I think I’ve been through more changes than what I would have wanted to go through.

Soon, a (rather) big change is about to happen (again). I’ll insya Allah be finishing my graduate studies soon, and heading back home. Can't believe 18 months went by so fast...
Yes, of course I’m happy...the whole ‘torture’ is coming to an end, and I’ll be able to spend some time enjoying home. ‘some time’? Yup...cause I can never tell what other changes might happen... :)

Yet, thinking about this more…I just realized that when I look at some of my close friends and family, they too have also gone through changes...and are quite in a different state than how I last recalled them to be.

F, best friend from college, had just finished her MBA in France and is now back in Jakarta looking out for work (or are you already starting one?) and enjoying time together with her husband. They got married almost 2 years ago. (February, right? I still remember :)

K, my high school friend, is now expecting her second baby, and at the same time enjoying her well established job in a quite prominent Indonesian bank.

D, my childhood friend, is now in Jakarta (was always sort ‘out of the country’ for years) and has a 3 year old son. We met up the other day when her husband, son and her, came by for vacation. That was lovely.

N, friend for life, just gave birth to a baby girl (I suspect drowning in so much happiness and terribly hectic life at the moment) and I think is still teaching piano. The baby was just lovely, and am looking forward to getting ’baby-sit calls’ when needed :)

E, high school buddy, is almost finishing med school (boy, was that long) and is happily dating his lovely girlfriend (I bet I’ll be getting updates soon when I get back :)

E, high school friend, is now doing her masters in a neighboring city, and working at the same time. I wish you all the best, dear.

D, is now busy teaching and and changed jobs some time ago. Definitely need to catch up.

Kak L, is now in Houston, with my lovely niece and nephew, doing her MBA and accompanying her husband who got stationed there.

And my brothers...they’re just scattered in different places. Feels weird actually, ‘cause I've been so use to having them around for years and years...then they got married, one by one…and living their own lives....but hey…getting sisters in return is sure a lot of fun :)

Am glad my Abah and Bunda are still 'the way they've always been', there for me.

Yup...can’t wait to get home and ‘absorb’ all this...

Cheers,

-moenlite-
[looking at which bunch of books to pack up first ;)]

*picture, by Steve McAlister

when the world stops going round...

‘namanya siapa, rumahnya dimana, kuliah dimana, kerja dimana, orangtuanya bagaimana?’ semua tampak sopan dan pantas. mungkin memang iya, karena memang polos.

tapi kadang kita tak bisa menebak apa yg ada dalam pikiran, alih-alih cuma mau ‘get to know the person’, terkadang pikiran mengolah nya lain, karena yang terjadi kemudian dalam pikiran adalah ‘masuk kotak A, kotak B atau kotak C ya?’

memang, seiring waktu, isi kotak bisa berubah-ubah, pindah-pindah. tapi kadang juga yg mustinya dilabel ‘baik’ gak terlihat isi ‘baik’nya, lantaran untuk masuk beberapa ‘kotak-kotak’ tertentu perlu ada bukti-bukti dan masuk kategori-kategori ‘x, y, z’ dsbnya.

kadang menimpa kita, kadang kita yang bikin dan baru sadar belakangan, dan terkadang melihat depan mata tanpa mampu bikin apa-apa, gemes.

akhirnya cuma bisa mikir...kok bisa ya? dan baru sadar bahwa dunia disekeliling kita ternyata terus berkembang, menuju ‘that certain state’ yang pandangannya (hampir) mustahil untuk kita ubah, apalagi pengaruhi. dan hanya bisa berharap kita tidak sampai melakukan ‘kesalahan’ yang sama.

bingung? saya juga.

-moenlite-
[gemes...]

counting down...

bismillaahirrahmaanirrahiim....

-moenlite-

UPDATE
10pm:
after the presentation,
a round of Q&A,
and a class....

i feel zen :)

alhamdulillahirrabil alamiin

-moenlite-
[grateful for the prayers given...]

*picture, by Medioimages

when your name is coming up...

in approximately 44h30minutes i will finally be over this whole jittery nervous feeling,
hopefully....


.bismillah.

-moenlite
[prayers are more than welcome...]

bulk mail folders

Baca entry blog ini**, jadi ingat pengalaman pribadi belom terlalu lama yg lalu, dengan bulk mail folder di yahoo. Pengalaman kurang menyenangkan tepatnya. Well, sekaligus pengalaman ‘beruntung’. Kok bisa?

Cerita nya gini.
Lantaran lagi sibuk dengan urus urus thesis dsb, saya minta tolong sama a family friend untuk proofread my thesis (I’ll try to post an entry about this couple actually and how we got in touch and re-met after 20 years...yup, amazing :), maybe I’ll do this after the thesis+exams have past :) oke lah...inti cerita nya sih, the husband had actually proofread my dad’s doctoral dissertation on public administration years back, and now I’ve asked David to proof read my masters thesis on public policy 20 years later (yes, I have actually 'subdued' to my dad's wishes of having a *protege* and I admit I was in denial for years and yet ended up doing exactly the same as him *cuma bedanya gue gak kerja di pemerintah, well...okay, I work with governments *darn, masih mirip juga....:P*). So David was actually so excited about it, and I of course was extremely grateful (they came to visit me in Singapore some months ago...hmmm....okay...okay...must stop trying to combine two blog postings like this hehehe...no wonder I drive my boyfriend and brothers crazy when I tell stories...:P)

Now where was i? o iya...bulk mail folder. Nah, right after I finished my second draft...langsung dong email David, hoping he hasn’t deserted the whole idea of proofreading my thesis. And luckily, he still remembered and was really nice and accomodative about it *he travels alot*, he even sent a confirmation letter saying he’s received it and will comment a.s.a.p. So I was very happy *tentunya* :)

Nah some days passed, dan istrinya kirim email tentang something else, and said that David’s been working hard on my paper etc, and I should be receiving it any day now, if not already. Oke deh...tunggu punya tunggu….kok itu email gak dateng-dateng ya.

Akhirnya, sambil iseng-iseng, I went to check my bulk mail folder before clearing it (yes, I do that every now and then, just in case a friend sends a ‘hello’-subject-email and gets ‘dumped-and-then-emptied’ into my yahoo’s so-called-anti-spam ‘garbage can’). Eh bener aja. Disitu ternyata ada dua email dari David (yg padahal judul nya quite specific ttg thesis gitu loh) yang udah nangkring disitu bangsa semingguan, email yg satu bilang udah ngedit half way through-‘what do you think’ dan yg satunya lagi, ‘finally finished it, give me your comments and we can discuss’. Duh ilaaaaa....pas liat 'nasib' email-email itu jadi sebel banget, sekaligus relieved and feel lucky banget karena 'berhasil menemukan'. Coba kalo langsung di‘empty'...bisa jadi misteri yg tak pernah terjawab kali ya nasib email-email itu...hehehehe :P Yes, that was close....fiuhh....:)

So, akhir kata...coba deh kadang-kadang check your bulk-mail-folder. You never know what you’ll find there (besides those horrible spam emails people send you randomly kali ya :P). Cheers!

-moenlite-
[wondering if people understand her ‘bahasa gado-gado’ hehehe]
sambil,
[meneruskan sahur yang tertunda...:)]

*picture
** isi blog yg dimaksud:
Please Check Your Bulk Mail
Kepada yang sudah memesan Test Pack - limited edition, silahkan di cek e-mail balasan dari kami. Banyak terjadi e-mail balasan masuk ke folder bulk mail. We respond less than 24 hours :-) Please please please... check your bulk mail. Thank you!

in your orbit

i’m running
and you are there
from the corner of my eye,
i see you smile
i wonder why

i move on, and there you are
your hands opened
offering to care
i can feel that warmth
yet still, i wonder why

you don't say a word
and just keep your smile
i ask again, until you say
there is no why, need I reply?

you walk away,
while i still stay
but to my surprise
there was still that smile,
your warmth had stayed.

and now i know
there is no need to ask you why
yes, no words can give enough justice
to that pureness God has sent me,
in your smile

.thank you.










-moenlite-
[...learning to smile]

*picture

[shades]

just another day....

one may never know
what life may bring
you can wake up in its sunshine
then before you know it....you’re drenched in rain
you’re smiling wide then feel that guilt,
that happiness might just be
a stone throw away from all your tears
you might live to be one hundred, in rich and fame
then turn 101 and cry in shame
what would you have chosen dearest Fran,
a happy ending from a lifetime of misery
or pure ecstasy then back to your so-so state?

-moenlite-
[when you search for a glimpse of joy]

*picture, by Marcelo Arruda

[shades]

tumbling and turning...

you walk through the darkness
wanting to find
that one true thing you think you might have
that you might call your own
you walk in search and end up confused
those people there
they walk with their torches,
hand in hand, owning...
and you just stay there, wanting...
why doesn’t your’s seem to be there
couldn't it appear just like that
you wonder and wonder
then you break down and cry
.........
.........
.........
perhaps,
perhaps,
you should not have looked with your eyes?
perhaps..........

-moenlite-
[was it happiness she wrote?]

*picture, by Martin Barraud

[shades]

you think you know people.....
then when you really know them, it can amaze you
how all the dots seem to come together.

-moenlite-

doing a random head count

How many friends do you have?
Can you count?
For those that cherish the element of social interaction in their lives, I bet they can count on and on and on without knowing when to stop.
Then again, you’d say, well, you need to divide these people into different categories, best best friends, good friends, colleagues, acquaintances, etc.
Then you wonder, what would all these people categorize you as? A friend? A random acquaintance? Someone they happen to tell their whole life story to? Hmmm...
Actually I don’t usually think about this too much. A friend is friend, no fuss needed. Of course it seems that in different languages you can differentiate the word ‘friend’ into different ways. But that’s another story.

Actually I feel blessed, that besides my dear dear friends, my very good friends, there are those that I might not be spending too much time with, or meet very often. I might not even be considered as their ‘first circle’ in some ways...yet we would have an unspoken understanding that we are dear friends, and without any ‘maintenance' needed, whenever we call each other up for a cup of coffee, there’s an excitement to reach the time promised and chat till we can’t think of any other thing to say...which can be very late in the night :) unfortunately I don't have much of this pleasure, being far away from home. But then, ofcourse there's chances of making such friends here, and I do grateful with the friendships I am blessed here with.
Yes, life is an ongoing trail, and its always good to have friends to share a laugh or two with...

So, how many friends do you have?

-moenlite-
Happy Birthday to my dear best friend, Fitri :) May you always be blessed with wisdom, love and joy.

*picture, by David Rosenberg

reverse modes on

seesaw...seesaw...
seesaws in my head
once going up
then going down
make a swift turn
and back to the ground

seesaws...seesaws...
can’t you stop
my head’s getting tired
and so is my heart
some going forward
and then going back

it's driving me crazy
why can’t it stop...

-moenlite-
[a bit fed up...]

*picture by David Katzenstein

[shades]

generations apart...

there were two different people
separated by time
related they were
yet comprehend they did not

one would say I love you
yet the other does not feel the vibe
since it seems that the two
just don’t see eye to eye

but when we come take a look
from outside we can see
that the two might not be speaking
such similar words
yet shouts produced,
are of the same line
even though the gap in between makes it feel so unalike

mommy can’t you see me
yes, child...let me show you
making each other feel
that the other is not walking on the same grounds

perhaps the two might as well
take a step back, to observe
that if each could come forward and fill in the gap

perhaps one would see
that what the other is saying
is not trying to pull...
...one’s leg back.

-moenlite-
[to my dear little sister, who I hope understands, that blood is so much thicker than what one feels is love...]

*picture: by Philip & Karen Smith

[shades]

Ramadhan Karim...

As the crescent moon reveals itself low in the sky, the month of Ramadhan begins...

May it be a time to fast, a time to pray, and a time to step up good deeds.

Hoping that all goodness revealed be kept and cherished until even after Ramadhan ends....

Bismillah...

-moenlite-
[yet another ramadhan far away from home...]

*picture:
Ramadan

burning down the tower

yup, we made it on CNN again....
yup, we managed to 'establish' our post as 'the un-safe haven'
yup, we've been losing a lot...yet, just needed to 'spend' some more...

the tower's burning,
why add gasoline...

the tower is burning...
did you not notice its flames?


-moenlite-
[mengutuk perbuatan edan yg tak berperasaan....
....why can't we just hold hands and try to overcome the rain?]

alhamdulillah

alas....managed to (finally) get that big burden off my shoulders....
yet can still feel the ache on my back ;)

just neeed to rest for a while :)


-moenlite-
[she who just sent off that almost-final draft ;)]