lanes of the fast

A delayed blog.

I learned a very special lesson the other day. It was about a practice I’ve been observing ever since childhood. Not something imposed on me, but it grew in me so naturally, that it risked being taken for granted.
It was about fasting during Ramadhan.

Some days ago, there were some conversations among my classmates regarding this particular activity, as most of them were not from places where such practices were commonly found, and neither was it here. Questions arose on to how can anyone simply not eat or drink for 13 straight hours (which varies from place to place).
This for me, was one of those issues that I knew the answer by heart but was not sure how to go about explaining it. So our friend who was also fasting, responded, that ‘Its all in the mind’, and that ‘One never knows the capacity of a human being’.

So afterwards, I came up to him and asked another question that someone had asked me earlier.

“Hmmm what exactly is the meaning of fasting”
(yes, it must have sounded like a very silly thing to ask him, but I thought hey, when you get to meet someone with insights, might as well seize the moment :)

“Well, fasting is about controlling your senses. The biggest problem with us human beings is that sometimes we let our senses control us. We give in to our hunger, our thirst, our anger, our passion; and conduct according to what our body wants us to. So this is the time for us to take control.”

And by that my friends, I was stunned. Well, I have heard the 'sense'-part before, but not in such a ‘concise yet simple’ way. Thinking that in the past days I had been feeling a bit too sorry for myself, making excuses (to myself) to cut down on my normal routines, be it exercising, studying, cleaning the house, and so on. Yes, I was not dying, but it just felt easy to feel you can get away with slacking off, and have such a nice reason, you were fasting :)

We then went about discussing how some people would try to ‘manage their day’ by sleeping the whole afternoon (you’d think they were hibernating :P) and only do their main activities after sunset. Well, it might sound like a good plan, that you can manage to ‘get away’ with the fasting and all, and save you from any possible feeling of hunger or thirst (interestingly, you'd actually feel sooo much hungrier after doing so). So I think, in the spirit of 'learning' you might as well indulge in the lesson and pass the test. It’s like really reading your Shakespeare and not take shortcuts through 'Cliffnotes' or DVD renting.

Of course, there will be adjustments in your daily routines, but hey, that’s how life is, isn’t it? Its just like the day after you decide to buy that really nice yet expensive dress or (and?) its matching shoes (yes, it was on a 10% discount, so you were saving, weren't you?); then when you realize you’re broke, you’d simply adjust. Yes, no more daily Starbucks for a while, you start thinking about bringing lunch from home, taking the bus instead of a cab and so on. So, just like any other action you make in your life, fasting is all about making adjustments and using time management. You know, like deciding not to jog right after dawn but maybe do it near dusk (unless you’re the sports freak type, which I am not :P) And when you know you have to wake up early morning (middle of the night to be precise :), you plan ahead and finish your tasks wiser so that you can sleap earlier at night, and so on.

This also made me reflect on a lesson from my 'Negotiation and Conflict Mgt' class, about perceptions (well, it was mainly about how one must try to overlook the way they might perceive their opponents when doing negotiations). I believe that perception plays a big role, as it can significantly affect the way you make judgments on others without realizing it. But I've also come to realize that it’s not only about how you perceive others, but also how you perceive yourself; your biggest enemy.

If you think you’re weak, then you will be weak.
And if you think you’re strong, well most likely, you’ll get that energy, even if it's only in your mind.
Which I would say is where you get real power.

Just a thought.
-moenlite-

melodies in the light

the day was still very young
the morning wind was still blowing strong
and this song suddenly came to my mind....

Crash and Burn
Savage Garden

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door
And you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone


as this song has never failed to put me back in place, not even once :)
-moenlite-

[tunes]

on dreamy days

terbetik sebuah rencana
dan ia tersenyum
sungging di bibir bukan lantaran suka
tapi lebih karena gelitik, setengah tak percaya

apa iya dunia fana
sudah dapat menebak asa
akan hati yang tlah lelah
mengejar dan terkecoh
oleh fatamorgana bahagia

namun masih tersisa
sedikit sudut jiwa nya
yang tetap merindu
akan cinta

harap bertumpuk
cemas mengiring
apa mungkin kali ini
bukan hayalan
tapi sudah berupa jawaban

............
hanya Tuhan yang tahu.


-mooenlite-
playing in the clouds...

[shades]

souls in motion

pictures are taken
by those that see

though they do not notice
that such do not freeze
to the moment of the day

but dances to the rhythm of the sun
the shades of the moon
the whispers of the fall
and to the mix of them all

as these pictures are merely portraits
of what had been
and not really
of what may

-moenlite-
to all the dancing spirits out there...

[shades]

in the middle of the mist

its because
to see,
you don't look
but you feel...

and to hear,
you don't listen
but you understand...

and to say,
you don't speak
but you care...

its that you shut your eyes, ears and stay silent
and leave the heart do all the rest

and that is why the sun has risen from within my soul

-moenlite-

[shades]

irregular beats

A junior of mine from college casually asked me over MSN and I quote: “Isn’t your mother worried, that you’re 26, pursuing your dreams and not married yet?”

I must say it totally shocked me. Well, not only did I not expect such a question from someone I’m not that close with, but moreover because such an idea had not ever crossed my mind. However, the answer was clearly there, “No, why should my mom worry?”.

Its funny that sometimes ‘getting married’ would seem like the ultimate goal in life, especially if you come from a communal society where people know other people’s business and sort of keep track of it in their agendas. Okay, I must admit, questions have been asked, and I must be a fool to admit that I always assumed it was just small talk? Though I suppose they’d be more worried if I had rushed into anything of the sort, and then suffer...which of course defeats the purpose of ‘living happily ever after’, right?

I mean, okay...fine, you get married, then what? You’re supposed to enjoy the rest of your life (yes, it is supposed to be for that long) patting your back saying “Congratulations, you’ve reached it?”
No, I think there’s more to it than that.

I believe (yes, though not from personal experience) that life goes on after you’re married. Either you decide to concentrate fully on your family, or manage both a family and a career; life doesn’t simply stop just because you've found the love of your life.

Yes, we were told that Cinderella and her Prince Charming had ‘lived happily ever after’. But should we keep being shortsighted and stay aloof of what happens afterwards?

My best best friend got married recently, and I must say it was pretty much a jaw-dropping experience watching them unite in matrimony...they were just the perfect couple. I had witnessed the making of the beautifully laid plans of their wedding and though I could not make it for the reception, saw the video of the ceremony, and was deeply touched.

And now afterwards, are they supposed to simply be reminiscing their wedding day over and over again? Well, you know what? They continued being normal people and continued their lives, of course now adding each other as a higher stakeholder and all.

Now, I might risk to be called old-fashioned and naive, but if you’re still waiting to find that special someone, don’t you think it’s pretty reasonable that you continue your life and perhaps ‘Pause’ when it happens, and then simply press ‘Play’ again afterwards?

What do you think?

-moenlite-

picture:
"Rhythmic Composition in Yellow Green Minor."
Roy De Maistre, 1919, Art Gallery of New South Wales.

tertumpu awan

rintik hujan dan aku terpana
mata menerawang
menembus embun beningnya

jauh...jauh...
tak ter pandang
tak ter lihat
tak ter pegang

tapi kenapa terasa ada
begitu dekatnya...hingga mengherankan
meliputi
menggenggami
menjajahi...hati

-moenlite-
tak tergenggam tapi terasa

[shades]

just a phone call away

“Mom, I heard you're sick…”
“Yes….”
“How? ….hmmm Why? …hmmm Are you alright?.....”

Its these unclear questions I was asking my mom as I was calling her this morning to say hi, and was told by my brother that she wasn’t very well this morning.
My questions must have seemed pretty out of place, since you don’t really know why you had a stomachache or a cold or anything else, right?... But I guess what I wasn’t explicitly saying and I think she sensed was…”Mom, I’m very worried…”




You live far away from home. You don’t really get to go to her side, rub some Vicks on her, get her some tea, put a blanket over her and rub her feet. No, you just get unclear messages and the voice of your worried brother that your call might as well be bothering her resting.

Okay, it might not be pretty major, nothing to worry about. My family is there. It’ll be over the next day or perhaps even in a couple of hours. But still I just can’t help it.
I felt hopeless.

I remember some years ago, when I was living yet in another country thousands of miles away from this part of the world, and got some unclear messages that my grandmother was ill. Nyak Syik was staying with my uncle’s at that point (she moves around cities as she pleases, and I admire her strength for someone of that age), and everyone was giving me different news. One of my brothers told me, “Yeah, Mom’s gone over to Cek Lah’s cause Nyak Syik is ill, and I hear they’ve brought her to the hospital…” Very casually, yet BAMM...I froze.
It must have been pretty serious, my grandmother hates hospitals. When I called my mother, “No, its fine, everything is okay...we’ve brought her home.” And when I got my other brother on the line I was told, ‘Yeah, we’re just waiting for news whether Dad and I should come over there, I think her condition is deteriorating...” Now how would you’ve reacted?
But, Alhamdulillah everything was fine with Nyak Syik, she’d refused to eat for some reason, but my uncle-the genius had managed to persuade her to eat after checking her at the local hospital. Now how was I to know this?

It had frightened me to death. You know, all that insecure-ness perhaps of living far away and getting scrambled messages from home. Those at home thinking its best not to give all information, though (of course some) would add bits and pieces when you insist, just enough bits that make your mind go from one disease to another.
Yes, I know it’s because they care. Still you want to know every detail, not only to figure out whether you should get the fastest flight home or not, but to at least make sure there’s someone’s there by her side to rub some Vicks on her, make her some tea, and put a blanket over her and run her feet.
I know they’d do that, but I just wanted to be sure.

-moenlite-

parts of me

Perhaps I can tell you the tale of my life
How all are there and construct these sights you see of me
And all that I pray for when night falls to sleep

Of father and mother and brothers I have
My new found sisters, who’ve become new delights in my days
and not to mention their children who have brought unspoken joy to our lives
………



My tale is a simple one.
I’m the youngest of 4. The only daughter. Bet you’re going to say I must have been spoiled. Well, not exactly :)
My parents’ lives were built and filled with struggling tales, and its these values that they’ve always pass on to us.
I believe it’s worked out pretty much, as we really do put tales of struggle in our highest admiration and make the quest to do our own. Because their tales are theirs and we are here to make our own.

Now us 4 siblings are pretty much alike. You can say we’re divided in to two-s, well at least this is how I’d explain it when I was little.
Two are darker the other two are fairer. Two are a bit wiser in terms of the heart, while the other two are not (am not going to tell you which different two-s these are :)
Two are married and two are not. Those married ones now have sons.
And my nephews have taken place the softest part of my heart.

My parents.
Hmmm, surprisingly are still very much crazy about each other (I never did appreciate this when I was younger). They’re really supportive to one another and somehow you can see that they keep the highest admiration for each other.
They’d go out and have these little trips together. No not those very fancy ones. Just trips to get some groceries, trying new places to eat, buying fruits around the corner. Its just like those that have just recently found each other, though my parents have spent like decades together. I wish I can have such stories for my kids to tell...maybe one day, maybe I might.

My nephews. One is 2 years old and one is 7 months old. The elder one is in Jakarta and the younger in Manila. Yes, these are from different brothers :)
Besides them, I also have 2 other ones that call me Auntie. But both of them are now in Houston, whose parents are my cousins.

Now my sister in laws are pretty much my age. And we get along very well, yup very well indeed. I have considered their families as my own, and I think its just wonderful how your sense of family grows that way. I feel blessed.

I also have friends that I grew up with. Not necessarily side by side, but those that know and share the history of my life. They are of 3 siblings that are all females, and I feel that somehow they have been my sisters.
Our mothers are friends and so are our dads. I’ve really appreciated and feel so blessed to have them in my life.

And of course there are those counsins, friends, and all that have brought so much in my life, and to those I am grateful for adding such colours in me.

I think you would need an army to go through life and take all challenges in sight.
Yes, you need an army of love.

And I feel so blessed to have mine.

Cheers!

-moenlite-

Ramadhan Karim...

Dear Friends,

As Ramadhan is here, I will be practicing my fasting for one month.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to ask forgiveness from those of you who’ve ever been offended with my words or wrongdoings.

Happy Fasting for those of you who practice it.

And God bless to All.

-moenlite-

beyond reasoning

its when the world seems a bit clearer
and when sunshine seems to smile a bit wider
and raindrops seem to bring more laughter
and even when disasters seem to just add another flavor in your life

then you smile.
not a common smile.

and the world wonders, why?
I guess they should be looking in your eyes.

-moenlite-

[shades]

to have or not to have?

Something serious for a change.

We had a guest lecturer come to class today, and talked about population policies in Singapore. As most well-off countries with declining birth rates, Singapore is encouraging its citizens to have more babies. The lecturer presented all the facts and figures to support the message that ‘once it becomes a trend in society, not getting married or not having children is no longer ‘just’ a personal choice’. Fair enough. And with a relatively small population in their hands, the Singaporean government has all the right to be concerned.
This government is basically putting all efforts in seeking ways to boost the population rate to rise from its significantly low level. They’ve tried everything, tax incentives, medisave plans (health care financing schemes), bonuses, you name it; they’ll give anything to have its citizens have more babies. But still, the numbers don’t seem to budge that much.

Looking back in time; the same government had advocated for lower birth rates, and succeeded. Back then, people were to pay more (if not call it penalties) for having an ‘extra’ child (parents with more children must bear higher hospital delivery fees and may have limited choice of the school for their children to enroll in; though all children obtain a place in school, and the cost of a hospital birth is well under half the average working class man's monthly wage [1]).
Yet, after they’ve succeeded, the government now wants to reverse the cycle, and encourage those same children that were brought up thinking that ‘more kids implies more costs’ to have more kids and agree that settling down and raising the next generation is the way to go.

Now hold on, as time increased, and as Singapore managed to become a very prosperous nation, the competition level among its citizens to strive for success has also increased. Their goal is to be the best and excel not only among their fellow countrymen, but also compete with the expatriates that comprise more than a quarter of the labor force. [2]
So when all of a sudden the government says ‘add a kid or two in your life’ that will solve their already existing problems? I don’t think so.

It seems like in any society, with a prosperous economy or not, most women face the same problems. The choice of managing work and family becomes a big dilemma. Some mothers would choose to quit their jobs, some would hire nannies and face all sorts of evaluation and get critiques for having someone less educated than the mother to raise the baby; while some have their elderly parents take care of their kids and risk being called irresponsible. But even sometimes, none of these options seem feasible. Either, their parents are not within reasonable distant reach; hiring a nanny is too expensive or too difficult to access; or for any other possible reason.
Then you have your baby day-care centre. But this too can be a non-option, especially when it comes to location or prices. It is not a rare case that the waiting list is so long, the infant becomes a toddler by the time he/she is admitted in, plus the extremely high prices the parents have to bear.

Of course this can sound like an exaggeration to some; but in fact this all describes the dilemmas and problems want-to-be parents now-a days face.
But clearly, the companies support these new moms, right? Of course not, they have a profit to chase after. Not to mention how the bosses would calculate the potential losses these young women will implicate on the company’s productivity once they decide to get pregnant.

Yes, just add a tax incentive, and all the young women of today shall decide to settle down and have babies. Perhaps not yet.

---------------------------------------------------
References
[1] Salaff JW, Wong AK. ‘Incentives and disincentives in population policies’ [abstract]
[2] World Migration 2003 [pdf], IOM

-moenlite-

to love one's self

Love is not granted, its given

Not by others, but yourself

Open your heart and follow

Don’t search outside, but within

Love is no game, its fair play

Thou shall not lose

Only they

-moenlite-

[shades]

on red beans and stuff

My quest for today was to look for a nice new eating place near by the neighborhood.

The motive?

I was getting pretty bored with my so-called ‘favorite’ (read: repeated) meal during weekends and off-campus hours: rice + re-heated rendang, which material (read: the whole rendang actually….hehehe…) I had brought here from my last visit home.

Yes, an alternative would be cooking, but since I had to go out for some grocery shopping, eating outside seemed ideal.

So the quest was set.

Now, above the supermarket were these small shops, which last time I had gone upstairs to look, only had one Thai Restaurant; by which when I got there, I immediately came down, since the price was a bit ‘unreasonable’ for a student who had just moved in that afternoon. And I ended up eating chicken rice somewhere near by that day.

You see, most of the traditional (read: cheap) eating places were closed during Sunday afternoons, and I had noticed this new Japanese restaurant on the second floor of the supermarket, so I decided to try my luck and go there.

When I got there, turns out it was already their off-hours, but the lady inside insisted that they were open, so I went in. I ordered some sushi; a Japanese dish that I feel I can always have 24-7 (frankly I think I’m sort of an outlier for that diminishing marginal utility theory, for you economists out there).

Now the menu list was not very helpful. Usually, in Japanese restaurants, I would always manage to get away looking like an expert due to the nice pictures they have on their menu list, just the type of information that people like me use to the max (even when the dish comes back 10 times smaller than what it seemed like in the picture). And to my discomfort, this time the menu was a plain list.

‘Hmmm…..so this is what? Oh, no….maybe I’ll have that one….Oh, but its that? Okay….let me just have……’ and so on.

Now the lady was very nice explaining everything, and insisting I had this and that (of course it came down to trying to balance out her high-priced-meal suggestions and the dishes that I knew I’d like). Well, I think during this process she sort of figured out that I was either new in the area or a bit of a dumb person; or…. in a brave quest for searching new places? No, I don’t think that crossed her mind, which would leave options 1 and 2 wide open, sigh….

Anyway, the sushi was nice, as always :) which then led me to the idea of having dessert. I wasn’t really sure what to get (frankly the sushi was not enough, but if I had ordered more, I might as well leave my wallet and help them do the cleaning) so noticed some possible options to close the lunch session. I first ordered a Banana Boat (a.k.a. banana split) which was a bit pricey but when she said they didn’t have any left (pfiuhh…) I came back to my second choice, Ginko Nuts (yes, very much cheaper). Now interestingly, this lady (who I assume was the owner) insisted that this second choice was not very nice and had a very strong smell (never in my life did I see a restaurant owner criticize her food…hmmm interesting), so I figured she wanted to keep my ‘option’ within the range of her ‘profit’, and since I wasn’t very sure (and yes, I had that adventurous mission in my mind) so I tried to be brave and went for her suggestion: Green Tea Ice Cream with Red Beans.

‘Red beans? Can I have it with another bean?’

‘No, its supposed to be eaten with Red beans and you can always leave the beans at the side if you don’t like it’

‘Heh? Hmmm….okay then….’
(??)

Well as you can see, Singaporeans are pretty persuasive when they sell you things (yes, I am generalizing because this has not been my first experience in such a situation); especially when they get potential customers who are not very certain (yes, like yours truly :D) plus, I was on a quest right? And quests mean taking risks and trying…..so there I was, ordering something I wasn’t really sure of.

So, the dish came and after I tried it, I can now say I am certain: I don’t like red beans that go with Green Tea Ice Cream. Hey, but I’d never know if I didn’t try right? :)

Then the bill came, and yes, I am now more and more certain those shops up there do not suit student budgets at all. And I shall be the living proof of that if ever my flat mates ask. Well, actually my flat mates cook, and they cook very well in fact.

So maybe my next quest should be learning how to cook :)

We’ll see what happens…. :))

-moenlite-

when time flies...

there was once a young man who traveled the sea
in the quest to find
all about his destiny

he searched and he searched
up and beyond
trying to find
the purpose of life
he was destined to be

walked and he walked looking to find
such signs that he might
try to define

he looked and saw clouds
up and strong they roamed the sky

he wondered and wondered
‘could that be I?’
perhaps that’s what I’m supposed to be
big and strong and create a dynasty

then he walks a bit further
and there to find
a beautiful pigeon
flying about

perhaps that is what will be of I
to soar and to bring such messages defined

alas the day passed
and the sun had gone out
still he was where he had started about

time had been wasted
and no answers were found
and only to realize he had just spent his time
not acting upon but just dreaming about

-moenlite-
sometimes answers are not to be peeked but seeked...

[shades]

before you wish upon a star

time flies
and then I see
all the good things that come to me

why now
and not before
did I realize
all those blessings granted upon me

had I not traded, those in my hands
for those not yet in my reach
perhaps I would be somewhat very happy

blinded I was
by all goodness that seemed so plain

now I see
how I was vain
not to count what I now foresee

but stop right here

can’t you see
how unlucky I am to be

even now with what I’ve learned
still I wish that things would turn

and want to trade what I have left
for all those things not there to see

-moenlite-
cause to wish, we must stop and look around us...

[shades]

in the light of day

don’t remind me things I can’t forget
don’t tell me those I can’t let go

the view I see is not as clear
as days before when you were here

I look outside
and what I see
are those out there that can’t see me

why can’t those memories fly away
and keep their distance from my mind

those late night calls
those silly jokes
those that only you and I can see

I try to keep my mind alive
of things that are in my sight

but all I hear are in my mind
telling me you’re not beside

I hope these running tales of life
shall keep me strong and not fall in sight
of those silly tales I hear inside

-moenlite-
young hearts in the motion...

[shades]

lost in translation

Stories in my head
I try to explain
But you don’t seem to understand

You try to tell me what’s in my head
But, no no no
That’s not it

Why are you saying this and that
Can’t you see what’s in my head?

Yes, I see, I think I do
Its this and that, its this and its that
But why are things here and there?

No, that’s not what’s there
That’s in your head
I want you to see what’s in my head

So, then tell me you say
Tell you what? I asked

Those stories...you said
Yes...I shall try

So I tell you about them
I tell you what I saw
About this
About that

About life
And all the stories in my head...

-moenlite-
when words get in the way...

[shades]

when all else fails

Mata nya teduh
Bersahaja

Ia pasrah
Tak berdaya

Uang uang uang
Beban beban beban
Apa pula?

Sudah mepet masih dipepet
Sudah sulit apa harus dililit?

Minta tolong tak digubris
Hanya kasar yg mengiris

Hati senang diper-riang
apa musti tolong orang?

Ikut susah takut repot
Mending saja buang muka
Pura-pura tak melihat
Syukur-syukur nanti hilang

Sudah langka kalbu orang
Hanya pandang kalau senang

-moenlite-
her unfortunate eyes

[shades]

diantara sesak

Senyumlah dan dunia akan tertawa
Begitu katanya

Bahagia lah dan semua akan meraya
Mungkin mustinya

Tapi tawa tak bawa bahagia
Cinta pun bawa derita

Maka jalanlah dan acuhkan semua
Berlari lah dan songsong berita

Jangan kau henti meski tak berdaya
Siapa bilang kau musti sengsara

-moenlite-
when dreams don't seem to match...

[shades]

rainbows in my head

I saw a rainbow today. Yup, was on the back of my hand.

Well it was actually the sun reflecting through this glass wall I was sitting against, at the bus stop this afternoon. I know you’ll say its only one of those natural phenomenon that happens in every day life. Well, I forgot the details of how it occurs, something explained to me by my science teacher years years ago.

Yes, it was a very simple sight but somehow it got me smiling and remember an event sometime ago. Another rainbow. A real one this time.

……

My niece was playing over at our house, and it would be quite a while before her mom, my cousin, would be coming back to fetch her. She was pretty bored, sleepy I think. So I said something to her.

“Reina, let me show you something.”

She got excited and curios, “What, Auntie?”

“Here, come out, I’ll show you.”

We went out.

‘You see there, there’s a rainbow up there.’

‘A rainbow? You mean where there’s…..(frankly I forgot her question, it was about a fable or something…pretty interesting what runs in little kids’ minds)

And by the sight of it….she just jumped up and down, in leap of joy. I was more surprised than she was I think. Its amazing to see her astonished to realize that you can actually see a rainbow in real life. Well, she was only 5 years old, and had all the names of the animals in her head, had known how to read and just started to write. So I didn’t realize that I’d be the one to introduce to her, her first rainbow ever.

You think of rainbows very lightly at my age. Its just one of those….how do you call it? Yes, natural phenomenon :) But for a 5 year old, its serious business. Its magic. And in fact, it became a very magical experience for myself. You know, to show the world to her :) and unveil such wonders to my beloved niece.

And then, when I came to visit their house the next day, her 3 year old kid brother came to me with a curious look and a sense of intrigue.

“Auntie, I also want to see a rainbow”

“Okay.” Hmmm…and how exactly can I do that??….

Zaky is one of those intelligent kids (like his sister) but is pretty shy and very polite. He’d never push you to get something. So how could I say No?

“Okay, tell you what, I’ll show you next time you come over to our house.”

Hehehe, you know-lah….just so that they’d ask their Mom to drop them over. I just love their visits. Sometimes, they’d ask us to pick them up, and we’d be there at once :)

But, good thing it was the rainy season. I looked outside, and there was one, in their own porch, in their own sky. So Zaky got the delight of seeing his own rainbow.

And you know what, I don’t see rainbows the same ever since. :)

-moenlite-

Auntie misses you so much, my little jewels.

scenarios of you and me

I’d like to scream to the world

And tell them my plan

Yell out my lungs

And show them how it shall be done

But I keep to myself and figure the plot

That I shall cross the sea

Deep and far

Climb the mountains cold and swing the stars up high

Leap from existence to prevail all that is surreal

Show the world how fine and fit you and I can be

So I climb and I climb and reach for the stars

Swim and I swim and cross all barriers

To finally find….

That you have swam and swam to the other side

Climbed down and down to the earth I was from

To finally see that we in fact are still

Millions and million acres a far.

-moenlite-

those that hear but do not listen

[shades]

silent whispers

Some of what I write might not be of personal experience but it is of some personal opinion, which I’d like to share. I hope by time you’ll get to know which one is which :)

Child, follow

Hold my hand and let me show you

All the wonders that I’ve gone through

Child, go

Trail those footsteps laid before you

We have drawn your future for you

Set your mark and make me proud

You shall achieve those that I could not

Mommy, no

I have dreams and I have eyes

I am sure that you are wise

But I still long my own identity

I’ve kept your lessons in my mind

To keep me guard and keep me strong

I might stumble and even fall

But let me flow so I can grow

-moenlite-

random tales on life

[shades]

in between thoughts

Have you ever climbed up a rope?
Up up high without even realizing you’re heading towards the sky

They told you to go on, go on
And you look down; you think ‘I’m going to fall’

Now you sweat and you sweat and you think and you think
Why in the world did I even go, up and up until I feel so low
They say it’s normal, just go on and on
No, you say it’s too late, I’ve already looked down.

Shall I climb or shall I slink down and down to my safety net
Though you’re not sure that that’s still safe and sound

Then you start thinking shall I just free fall?
And then lose all the height that I’ve reached so far

So, you look around and see other ones
Those that run up and those that just crawl
Then of course there are those that just start to fall

So you think to your self
Which am I going to be?
Shall I waste my time looking at the wall?
All will be wasted if I just start to fall

So best that I try to climb up the wall.
Wherever it will lead me, I know I’ll be tall.

-moenlite-

is it you or is it me?

Breath’s song was playing in the taxi as I was coming home from this art exhibition the town was having, and pretty much to my surprise the lyric caught my attention as I was telling the driver how to get to my place: ‘Yes, just the fastest way you can get there, Uncle’ (you know, just so that he doesn’t realize I’ve only been here less than what it takes to know the fastest route home and the fact that I have always been a bit disoriented….hmmm….too late, the guy was already smiling….:)

….

How can I fall, how can I fall
When you just won't give me reasons
When you just won't give me reasons at all

….

A random thought came through my mind.

which one comes first? Love or reasons?

Can’t you just simply fall, regardless…?

Is love that complicated?

Why wasn’t there a sign ‘not really proven in the real world’ on those Disney movies and fairytales about Snow white’s prince charming and all?

Back then, you’d think the only hassle you’d have would be your evil step mother, and that’s only if she had a talking mirror.

I guess they skipped the details so that you can test for yourself, and make your own novel.

Here’s one version:

Boy meets girl. Girl does not notice boy. Boy waves, girl glances and goes back staring at another boy whose already with another girl. So boy leaves girl and girl thinks, what if….’

Another one:

Girl sees boy. (same girl-same boy? different girl-same boy? You decide) Boy sees girl. Girl says ‘hi’, guy hears ‘bye’. Then girl AND boy thinks ‘what if…’ End of story? Perhaps, or in Singapore they say, ‘Can…’ (with a twist of the local accent of course … :)

Sounds familiar? Does this always happen? Of course not.

It’s usually a bit more complicated than this.

At least in my story board, there’s definitely more ‘what if’-s than that.

Growing up, we thought, there’d be signs. You know, like those neon signs saying ‘The One, 200m, turn left’. Yeah right. In reality, you only realize that that weird sign you saw hours ago might probably be the sign, yup, just after you had made a right turn, got lost and ended up in a one-way street. But again, you’re not 100% percent sure.

So, this gets me thinking. Maybe all those signs in my past were bits and pieces of a bigger sign. And these puzzle parts are to be kept, digested and added about as I walk my way and stroll along the streets of life. Then, perhaps and only perhaps, we’d be smart enough and not stubborn enough to realize that …hmmm…..realize what….?

Ooopss, sorry….forgot to tell you, I’m still strolling along….

What? You’ll tell me when you get there? Great, thanks, that would be lovely :)

-moenlite-

those not forgotten yet forgiven

in the playground

The night is young so let’s go and play
You come out as you may though they make you pay

Stay as you may you say they say
But life is too short to just throw away

You tell me you care though you play and play
Life is too short to just go away

People come and they stay you say
Life is to short but you go away

-moenlite-

[shades]

life on the horizon....

Hehehe....’Don't know what came over me....but here's a scoop of my mind, perhaps playing tricks on me....yet, again? hmmm....nevertheless....here it goes:

Dan matahari takkan terbenam tanpa dirimu cinta

Ia takkan tenggelam dan merisau bahwa kau belom juga tiba

Apa mungkin ia lupa kau lupa akan hal hal yang belum tiba

Karena lupa selalu ada dan kau juga belum tiba

Matahari telah terbit dan menunggu mu tadi pagi

Kau datang dan pergi ia bahkan belum siang

Kau hilang ditelan untuk menunggu bulan mu yang terus pergi karena tau kau datang tak sendiri

Dan begitulah rantai mata hati yang tak akan putus lantaran ketiga mu tetap bertautan dan tak bertepi

-moenlite-

[shades]

moenlite to one's self

Hi again.

Just finished watching the last series of ‘sex and the city’ (yes, I bet I am the last one to have finished watching the whole thing :)

During the show, I just couldn’t stop these things that were running down my head and telling me that there’s so much still to be learned from life.

You know, I felt sooooo ridiculously ‘high’ after watching the series (and of course sad that’s its over, but hey…you got to face it, and move on :)

And guess what I also felt soooo terribly romantic…hehehehe…goofy huh?

Well, what happens to me after I finish/experience anything (small or big) is that I’d always get these ‘moments’ where all these messages seem to be flashing off, causing me to just stop for a moment and ponder on those ‘soft big notes’ that sometimes seem to be so simple yet so surprisingly ‘there’....and makes you really ‘feel’.

I don’t about you, but the main ‘neon signs’ that I got out of that grand finale were:

- no, you never do know where life will take you, most likely its not exactly where you’d think you’d be, but nevertheless embrace :)

- be yourself and be proud of it :)

- God does play wonders (am a true believer of this hehehe... :)

- that sometimes, it doesn’t always take that ‘perfect one’ to take you strolling over paris to make you really truly happy, sometimes its just that ‘someone that’s just perfect enough for you’ that you need to put that genuinely smile from to cheek-to-cheek no matter what :)

- that life is just like this big book that you can only chew a page a day, anxiously waiting what’s on the next page. Well, the best thing is keep positive and just go through it slowly and most importantly enjoy it, ‘cause you never know what adventure awaits… :)

- that whatever the stakes, do have ‘space’ for your self, for you mind, and of course for your loved ones (be it your family, your friends, your pets, your anything)

And of course…..be true to your heart, ‘cause that’s the only thing that matters :)

A bientot

-moenlite, not in paris-