fast forward please....

-moenlite-
[anticipation is so much pain...]

Motionless

Little did they realize
That she was pre-occupied in her own world
Even in the middle of all the laughter and joy

Her mind was miles away
Beyond time and space
Somewhere between being there and nowhere

You could even see the darkness under her eyes
Circles marking the lack of sleep
As she fears the day tomorrow brings
Unclear she is
Even that each day comes without doubt
And each hour marks it closer

If you ask her,
she might not have the answer
of what fear must be so great
that every smile is followed by a frown
and every laughter by a tear

all she knows is that her heart motions
as something unclear moves closer

-moenlite-
[sights unsought...]

*picture by Felix Clinton

[shades]

floating in midair

dreams may come true for those that try
yet trying needs believing
and sometimes even feeling
that what you dream for is what you desire
yet how can one pursue such wishes
that one is not sure is true

-moenlite-
[dreaming unclear dreams....]

*picture, by Dougal Waters

[shades]

roda diri

Ketika kukecil ku tak pernah berpikir akan sampai pada hari yang begini ini
Yang kulihat semua bias, tendensi benar salah, amat tipis
Sangat tergantung yang menilai dan apa yg diinginkan yang berpikir

Menarik juga melihat dunia
Membandingkan dengan pikiran waktu kecil, waktu lugu, waktu dulu
Dulu liat orang semua besar, kemudian sadar bahwa yg besar semakin jarang
Sampai akhirnya tersadar bahwa diri sudah masuk jadi mereka yang dipandang orang kecil adalah besar


Keputusan yang diambil tidak lagi bisa ditampik kekiri dan kekanan, musti dipanggul dan dipertanggungjawabkan
Arah yang dituju sudah diharap masuk dalam rambu, moga-moga rambu itu yang dimau dan bukan lantaran harus dijalani sekedar untuk menghidupi diri

Kawan seide mulai jarang dan bervariasi dalam kombinasi
Semua mengalami perkembangan
Dan belum tentu semua bisa saling memahami dan menerima
Tapi, ya itu konsekuensi, dan katanya, itu variasi, yang membuat dunia ada arti.
Ya, menarik sekali bumi yang dipijak kini.

Saya pulang sebentar lagi, kita lihat apa yang terjadi.

-moenlite-
[coming home, soon...]

*picture, by Bryan Mullennix

hmmm entah kenapa semua terasa begitu h a m b a r..... :(

-moenlite-

if i were...

found some scribbling i made over a year ago.
just for fun :)

If I were....

If I were a month, I'd be : September
If I were a day of the week, I'd be : Saturday
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be : a piano
If I were a liquid, I'd be : orange juice
If I were a clothing, I'd be : classic
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be : a garden ;)
If I were a season, I'd be : Spring
If I were a mythical creature I'd be : Tinkerbell
If I were a color, I'd be : green tosca
If I were a sound, I'd be : the note G
If I were a movie, I'd be : Bridget' Jones Diary
If I were a food, I'd be : spaghetti
If I were a material, I'd be : raw silk
If I were a taste, I'd be : nano-nano :P
If I were a scent, I'd be : white musk
If I were a word, I'd be : amusing
If I were a body part, I'd be : eyes
If I were a facial expression, I'd be : a big smile
If I were a shape, i'd be : a pyramid
If I were a number : 9
If I were an animal/insect : horse/bird
If I were an instrument, I'd be : violin
If I were a place, i'd be : Rome/Paris

-moenlite-

puzzles

It’s like seeing traffic lights flashing at the same time,
Keeping you stuck at that particular junction.
How nice, sigh...

-moenlite-
[God, please turn off the other two...]





*picture

instincts...

[coming back from school late tonight]

i took out my computerized access card to flash open my (apartment) front door,

I then realized,

the door......uses a k e y.
[unlike all the doors we have at school]


My, my.....was it from too much 'technology-exposure' or just simply being absent minded :P

-moenlite-
[one more round of exams, and insya Allah its over...]

*picture:
fingerprints

perseverence

Quoting from a friend's email.

In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition for the executives of the Decca recording Company. The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians, one executive said, "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out." The group was called The Beatles.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modelling Agency, told modelling hopeful Ms. N J Baker, "You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married." She went on and became Marilyn Monroe.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, Fired a singer after one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere.... son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck. He went on to become the most popular singer in America named Elvis Presley.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers. After making a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, "That's an amazing invention, but who would ever want to use one of them?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in the country. They all turned him down. In 1947 - after seven long years of rejections! He finally got a tiny company in Rochester, New York, the Haloid company, to purchase the rights to his invention an electrostatic paper-copying process. Haloid became Xerox Corporation we know today.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was the 20th of 22 children. She was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, she contacted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralysed left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on and began to walk without it.
By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk, which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last.
For the next few years every race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she actually won a race. And then another.
From then on she won every race she entered. Eventually this little girl, who was told she would never walk again, went on to win three Olympic gold medals!!!
She was Wilma Rudolph !!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Moral of the above Stories:
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.
Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.
You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face.... You must do the thing you cannot do.
And remember, the finest steel gets sent through the hottest furnace. A winner is not one who never fails, but one who NEVER QUITS!

Yup, Amien to that ;)

-moenlite-
[things that life teaches us...]

turning points or eye openers?

Caught someone's posting on the bulletin board, and just suddenly felt.

Numb
Linkin Park

i'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface

i don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
[caught in the undertow]
[just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you

i've become so numb
i can't feel you there
i've become so tired
so much more aware
i'm becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought i would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[caught in the undertow]
[just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you
and every second i waste is more than i can take

but i know
i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you

-moenlite-
[reflecting on one's self consciousness...]

[tunes]

in reminiscence...

Have you ever miss someone so greatly?
Have you ever missed something so much, yet know that you’ll never see it again?
Have you ever missed that one moment or random moments in your life and think…if only you could re-live them one more time?
That’s what I’m feeling right now.

For ‘God knows what reasons’ I’m terribly missing my family, my past and whole life that I’ve gone through; and at the same time fear for not knowing what the future will bring.

Perhaps it’s this unknown-future that has led me to have this unreasonable big missing feeling. Yet, simultaneously feeling terribly (and I do mean terribly) happy for all these loved ones of mine who are going through what they are going through now.

All my brothers have found their soul mates, and are building their own families (and of course, I can claim some ‘ownership’ on all three ;).
My parents are, as always, as happy as can be. My kid-friend, I bet, is extremely excited to the fact that she will be roaming a ‘new life’, traveling and meeting people from all sorts of walks of life. I’ll be meeting her tomorrow.
A friend of mine just called me the other day, and told me his current placement in Europe and his plans to pursue some other dreams, I wish him luck. My classmates are all looking forward to going home, being reunited with their families (many already have children in fact) and going back to their previous (yet of course now with ‘more experience and exposure) lives.
I know I wrote something like this before, but I guess its this ‘missing feeling’ that I didn’t really realize before.

I had just finalized the revisions of my thesis, and as usual, end it with a note of acknowledgement to be put within the first pages. Yes, of course I put in my formal thank-you-s to the School, my Professors, Resource people , etc...(yes, of course I meant each and every line :). But I did nearly overload this particular section with all the names that started to pop up in mind as I was writing it.
Well, life can indeed be very funny sometimes. Its like, overtime you see a tree grow, and perhaps the tree knows it has grown. But the tree can’t deny that it might not have known exactly when and by how much it grew every single second. The inches just appeared without it really realizing it.

So here I am, thinking back at my past, not really feeling that it was so long ago. Sometimes I can really still feel that sense of being 8, 10, 12, 15, 20 (17-20 a bit blurry :P) and before I know it...here I am, being in a position to ‘look back’.
No, I don’t feel old, of course not. There is still so so sooo much to learn.

All I know is that I feel blessed for all that I’ve been through and learned from.
I am sure that I have not mastered every lesson that I should have taken back by every experience, but I am optimistic that these things will reflect on me whenever I need to look back and think ‘yes, now I know...’

Here’s to all those beautiful spirits out there, who’ve taught me so much, even in unthinkable ways. Thank you for coloring my life.

-moenlite-
[getting mushy all of a sudden :)...]

*picture:
‘The Tree of Life - Stoclet Frieze’, by Gustav Klimt

island stuff

My study in Singapore is soon coming to an end.
Was just contemplating on what I feel are the best and worst memories and experiences I have of this island.

So here's my 'on the top of my mind' list [will be updating along the way]:

Best
- teh tarik+prata :))
- free (most of the time) from cigarette-polluted air, i just can't stand smoke..
- (almost) constantly having friends/relatives visiting as they pass by/transit :)
- accessible information on almost anything (like info on places, stores, how to get there, etc)
- that safe feeling when you happen to travel/walk at night/quiet places.


Worst
- my lack of understanding people speaking in mandarin. sometimes they're just so ignorant and not realize how it can inconvenience people
- singlish....hmmm, i definitely feel my english is deteriorating
- bad revies about Indonesia (okay....the place is no way near perfect, but you don't have to constantly rub it in my nose, do you?)
- (unreasonable) expensive services, like for salons, alterations, book-binding...and they make it sound like its soooo normal. i miss jakarta
- horrible (and i mean horrible) food.....frankly i have no idea why they call the place a 'food haven', have they not ever eaten out when they travel in the region?
- too marketing-oriented (too ambitious about 'selling' themselves...by this i mean institutions, companies, etc)....you don't feel treated as a human sometimes....they often think too much about 'the next customer' and not in maintaining the ones they have.


Interesting
- its funny how people seem to have so strong feelings about their country, sometimes a bit too defensive...you wonder how they (as in the government) managed to do that...
- how certain things get on the news, and certain things don't, especially in reporting things elsewhere


ofcourse i'm generalizing....its about the impression that sticks to you after sometime.

alas....such memories have formed a very nice 1.5 years in this place. Can't wait to get back home, though.... :))

.moenlite.
[looking forward to buying her tickets home....]

*picture

that final stretch

restless hearts shouldn't be in company with restless minds and deadlines.....

-moenlite-
[thinking, coffee or tea..? hmmmm]

clues from above

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

[Alhamdulillahirabbil 'alamiin...]







Have We not expanded thee thy boosom?
And removed from thee thy burden
The which did gall thy back?
And raised high the esteem (in which) thou (art held)?
So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.
Therefore, when thou art free (from thine immediate task), still labour hard,
And to thy Lord turn (all) thy attention. (QS: 30: 94:1-8)

[Insya Allah...]






When Allah's succour and the triumph cometh
And thou seest mankind entering the religion of Allah in troops,
Then hymn the praises of thy Lord, and seek forgiveness of Him.
Lo! He is ever ready to show mercy. (QS: 30: 114:1-3)

-moenlite-
[yes, God does work in mysterious ways....]

Happy Hari Raya Eid ul-Fitr 1426 H

Buleun Puasa ka troh bak ujong,
lheuh nyan meusambong ngon Uroe Raya.
Lon baca teukeubi lon lakee ampon,
meu'ah desya lon wahe syedara.

Happy Eid ul-Fitr 1426H

[The Fasting month has come to an end]
[And now we face the auspicious day of Eid ul-Fitr]
[I praise Allah and ask for mercy]
[Please forgive my wrong doings, dear friend]

-moenlite-
[not celebrating Eid ul-Fitr at home, unfortunately for the second time]