when you think of things

current wishes:
- rearrange room: done ;) just need to figure out my room back home

- get friends together for a potluck dinner: definitely need to do this soon, perhaps after the deadline of the first draft (we’ll see)

- spend time home: hmmmm not very possible at the moment

- travel for fun: hmmmm...not very likely in the near future...unless, I get to steal a weekend to go visit my brother...(miss my nephew so much)

- get my thesis done: supposedly in progress...(well, I’m not sure this is a current wish, yet...just needed to write that down, to get it off my conscious hehehe). So, wish me luck.

Boy, does time run fast...

-moenlite-
[with her cup of coffee in one hand...]

*picture:
A Dandelion

to hold one’s head up

My life these past few weeks has been quite interesting, especially in terms of socializing.

I am at the moment on holiday, far a way from home, doing research work, and trying (its been difficult, sigh...) to have a some what sane and healthy life.

I have during these past few weeks met more random people than I think I have ever done, yet at the same time not meet people for days. Definitely not a very good way to prepare yourself before the new semester starts :P

And what’s interesting is that during this period, I’ve just realized that all these encounters (and non-encounters) have so much affect on my mood.
One day I will meet someone and have this very nice conversation, then I shall be very very happy. Then the next day, I might not be so lucky, and get a bit sad afterwards. Then the next day, ‘shower’ it all off when I meet someone and have a good chat.
The worst is when after a not-so-good meeting, I don’t get to meet people for days (literally). Don’t get me wrong, I do talk to people on the phone, usually those that are close and dear to my heart. Yet still, it can be awfully difficult to shred off that bad feeling which could last for days and days, and stick in your mind.
The worst part is, I am currently deprived of having the opportunity to just ask/call someone I am comfortable enough to just be with, for coffee; you know those that you know you can spend hours and hours with without worrying whether you’re boring them to death or not, or those that you know won’t mind if you're just there, period.
Just like him and her, and also my mom. It's been tough without them nearby.

Then it just hit me,...why in the world am I allowing all this ‘breeze’ affect my ‘walk’. Life should be taken as it is. It’s difficult enough, no need to be worrying in the process. There’s just no point.

I remember a story my dear friend Carolina once told me (yes, she was cheering me up actually) that you should only take what you need in to your ‘basket’. If what’s ‘there’ is not what you need...then go on. If you feel that it’s something worth pondering or knowing about, do take it in. No need to fuss and worry about the encounter, it’s the ‘fruits’ that you should pay attention to.
And dear Caro, thanks for sharing this with me then. I know I should have learnt by now to cope, but...hey, life’s like that, isn’t?

-moenlite-
trying to finish my paper, and enjoying it ;)

*picture:
Two Figures Reclining in a Landscape, HenriMatisse

unsatisfied...

Break the bone
Check the twist
Anything to make sure it’s not that perfect fit written in stone

No, it can’t be
Cause you don’t believe in miracles
You don’t believe in goodness
Especially if it's there in front of you
Staring at you in broad daylight

No you’re not happy
No you’re not delighted
How could good things happen
Just when you want to feel all miserable inside

You asked for mercy
You asked for joy
And when it shows itself
You just run away and hide

You chase rainbows
Hoping to catch its shadow
You envy the smiles of those around
You say you can’t be content unless you get the dream that you want

And then when it turns out to be bigger than life
You run away in dismay
Why..?

-moenlite-

*picture:
I'm not tired

[shades]

whenever necessary...

Extreme situations indeed require extreme measures.

Yup, people do tend to go the extra ‘weird and wild’ mile when it comes to desperate situations. Yet, I tend to think this applies more to women than men. Perhaps since we’re usually more creative? ;) While our fellow 'male-species' would just put up an arm, show a muscle and try to look or act bully-ish and think that that would indeed solve the problem.
Well, maybe it does, and maybe it doesn’t. I’m not sure, but I have indeed found these following examples quite amusing :)

- My cousin once woke up in the middle of the night sensing that someone was trying to crack open the window to get into her house. So she spent the whole night talking out loud (yes, to herself), hoping to scare off the ‘potential’ burglar. She claims that there were indeed scratch marks on window. Hmmm...

- A friend of mine got picked-pocket, and eventually looked back at the guy point blank...and very coldly said ‘Give it back to me.’ The guy did. Hehehe well, she indeed does have a reputation for being (freezing-ly) cool.

- As for another creative example; someone had confessed that he once was stopped by a mad barking stray dog (I’m trying to help emphasize the horrific situation of course ;) and was pretty desperate. So he finally barked back (he claims it sounded more like a wolf than anything else…hehehe)...and guess what...? The dog went running away in fear (and shock, I suppose ;) Hehehe...Bravo! ;)

- Well, the craziest thing I’ve ever done was..hmmm...being in a bajaj late afternoon in an unfamiliar neighborhood, I felt a bit unsure and insecure as the bajaj driver kept glancing towards me through his middle mirror everytime we stopped at a red light. So, I thought and I thought, and then I just deliberately picked on my nose right when we started to stop at the next red light. Yup, as figured, it terrified him so much (turned him off completely I suppose hehehe) he rushed me straight to my destination, not even bother to look at me again...hehehe I definitely still get a kick out of that one...hehehehe...:P

Well, what’s your story?

-moenlite-

*picture:
RollerCoaster

ain't trippin no more....

Just got back from a (small) jog, and boy does it feel good.

Haven’t really been myself lately, been having a lot bad thoughts and memories flashing back telling me all sorts of stuff.
Well atleast it's put (some) things I’ve left in the backburner upfront in sight view.
'Such as...?' ;)
Well, you’d have to be my shrink I guess, so that I’m sure you won’t go write a book about it once I run for presidency for instance
(well, having dreams are good, right? ;).

Anyways, life’s linesman (as if there was one) has been giving subtle hints, telling me ‘hey don’t be too optimistic all the time...you need to frown a bit and go fix those engines again...the race is still long.'

Lets just say I’ve had a bit of a ‘WHAM’, ‘BANG’, and a 'GEDUBRAK' inside me.
Other aspects of life are doing fine, so I am very grateful.
And I know I’ve put some people *wink wink* through hell...[’Sorry Bunda...’]

Well, I’m not saying I’ve properly bounced back. No...a jog can’t fast-fix this one. This one needs time...and a lot of learning, and a lot of courage to try.

Yup, definitely need to brave myself and start my engines again.

Btw, had a wonderful wonderful time in KL….:)
Yet the same place gave me the shock ;)
Yes, God is good :)

-moenlite-
[cooling down at the pitstop...]

*picture:
Performance Engine Photo Gallery

trips here and there

am back in Spore again.

yet will be flying off to KL tomorrow, just for two days...to meet and interview some experts for my thesis.
plus will meet up with someone to confirm and settle some arrangements for my research.

am totally nervous....

but atleast i get to meet up with my two good friends there (must make time for this indeed :)

wish me luck!

-moenlite-

*picture:
Flying High

yet still amazed...

things don't necessarily stay the same
like when you find yourself being the opposite from your life time definitions

you thought you'd only make your tunes in the dark
all of a sudden your singing in daylight

you said chicken legs should never make a sight
now you find your self ordering that second serve

you always loved tuna fish sandwich
until that expiry date had you lose your appetite

you told yourself that type of earring would never suit you
your jewellry box now has a collection in different shades of colour

you thought you'd never find the guts to say hello
all of a sudden you find yourself exchanging numbers and arranging for a coffee session next week

you told friends you'd never go for vintage clothes, that only fools do that
until you find yourself poking through second-hand shops

ketchup has always been your ultimate savior
and now you find yourself digging through the sambal that si mbak makes so well

some say forever to those now long forgotten
and find themselves saying i miss you to the ones they said never ever to

remember that nothing is never and mind yourself when you say forever

yet from all those that are to be corrected
this one feeling shall always and forever linger still

-moenlite-
[never say never...]

[shades]

looking back...

Life throws you things that you can't return
Sometimes its not about the throw, its the catch that counts...

Again
Faith Evans

Now I don't felt a lot of pain
I don't seen a lot of things
From struggling and broken heart to fancy cars (oh yeah)
And even though my money change
I tried my best to stay the same
But you know with more money
More problems came

If I had to do it all again
I wouldn’t take away the rain
Cuz I know it made me who I am
If I had to do it all again
I’ve learnt so much from my mistakes
that’s how I know he's watching me

In atl I caught a case
And the media tried to say
I had a habit
I couldn’t manage and I am throwing my life away
But everything ain’t what it seems just because its on TV
Cuz they speculate and exaggerate for a better story

If I had to do it all again
I wouldn’t take away the rain
Cuz I know it made me who I am
If I had to do it all again
I’ve learn so much from my mistakes
that’s how I know he's watching me

Nobody knows what life may bring
It might make you happy it might make you sad
Sometimes yeah but I know
there’s a reason for everything (but I know)
That’s why I keep believing
Whatever is meant to be its going to be

If I had to do it all again
I wouldn’t take away the rain
Cuz I know it made me who I am
If I had to do it all again
I’ve learn so much from my mistakes
that’s how I know he's watching me

then again, life goes on...
-moenlite-

[tunes]

rocking the boat...

tersadarkan diri
dari lamunan tadi
yang entah mengapa
dalam yakin timbulnya ragu
akan hal-hal yang tak tentu
mengenai masa yang kata orang tak ada yang betul betul tahu

walau melangkah karena ingin
dan berhenti karena ragu
hati ini tetap bimbang dan was-was ini itu

orang bilang kita memang seringkali tidak puas
sudah sedih ingin senang
sedang riang rindu perih
datang sedih menyesal lagi

ketika jarak terasa jauh sudah ditempuh
ragu datang membayang
pun berbisik dan merayu
sudah, jangan juga kamu maju

bingung lagi hati itu
apakah memang tau ataukah ngeri yang tak perlu

-moenlite-
[tingkah pola ini dan itu]

*picture:
'come together'

[poems]