the perfect plan

Am flying back the day after tomorrow.
Just for a week. Taking advantage of the mid term break here.
The plan is perfect; a non-existent plan :)

Am just envisioning all the good things that can happen there.

Play with my lovely lovely 2-year old nephew; chat with my mom, hopefully get to accompany her shop for fabric...our favorite; share coffee with my sis-in-law, go shopping; meet up with friends and catch up; spend quiet lunches or coffees on home assignment (we’ll see how much that will get done); work on over-due projects; build up on networking; the rest we’ll just see where the day brings me.

Was planning on spending the week somewhere else actually. Had contacted some friends, had made a plan. Then my mom called, I couldn’t resist, and now I know why...cause I do want to spend it there. Will be nice.

Home again, for a week.

They say home is where your heart is. I thought I’d find it elsewhere.

But nope, it's there for keeps.

At least for now.

But...nobody ever said you can’t have two ;)

A Dad's wish....

This is a special something my Dad wrote for my brithday last year.....

Puteri tunggalku seperempat abad

buat yayang

hari itu

aku pergi

jauh keluar kota

mencari yang tiada

hati penuh rindu dan berdoa

semoga allah mengaruniaku seorang puteri

ipah dirumah

pasrah

dan berdoa

besoknya aku kembali

dijalan aku bersua berita

bahwa aku telah dikarunia

yang kupinta

seorang bayi mungil

perempuan

tak terasa

itu sekarang sudah seperempat abad

dan puteri tunggalku sudah dewasa

syukurku tuhan

tak putus-putus

anakku anak sholeh

anakku anak baik

lebih dari yang kuduga

tuhanku

kumohon padamu

lindungi dia selalu

limpahkan rakhmatmu

berikan dia kesempurnaan

kemuliaan

kesholehan

dan berguna buat semua hamba

amin

abah dan bunda

Jakarta, 27 untuk 9 september 2003

Abah, I love you and am so grateful to have you :)

[shades]

is it still raining?

It rains hard

You complain and complain

You think you could have done this and that

Gone here and there

You think of your loss

Over and over

Complain and complain

Then the rain stops

You want to be happy

But you’re not

Still no sunshine you think

Not enough

Still wet

Still difficult to do this and that

To go here and there

Then it’s dry

But you think it's just too dry

Too hot

Too sweaty to do this and that

Go here and there

You wish it were a bit humid

Then it rains.....

And then,

.....

.....

.....

Still not satisfied.

-moenlite-

rainy season for some....

[shades]

Quoting from Diaz

"..that between good and evil, there's a lot of grey--
and it's that grey we should look at more closely
because that's where the truth lies."

Ramona S.Diaz, 2004.

contemplating numbers

I just 'realized' that today is my birthday.

I mean, it wasn't a total surprise, since I had friends and families calling up and sending messages and cards; along with their wishes that I grow better from my previous years.

Well, I had a pretty long day...so I guess now is when it really starts to 'knock on my door' :)

Am 26 right now.

So I've already went over the 25 year point. Not that there is such a thing, but it just seems like I've come to the 'end' of the 'safety rope' and now its time to start 'walking' on my own.

As I was approaching the day towards my birthday, I tried to think of a 'theme' for the year. I even asked my friends to pitch in and give ideas. As I was randomly trying to choose 'which theme' to go by.....I realized that my life has always sort of been pretty 'random'.

I 'randomly' got a job when I was in university, 'randomly' got accepted to another one a week before I graduated, 'randomly' ended up in one of my dream jobs, 'randomly' got in to one of institutions I had only 'dreamt' about for years, and now 'randomly' (well the randomization of course got less and less, more effort and struggle was put in as years went by)...

And then it suddenly hit me.

Maybe life (up to the age of 25) had been trying to 'train' me into believing I could do stuff, opening my eyes to wider possibilities. Putting me into situations I had not envisioned I'd be in before....it was all some sort of training, and I had the 'comfort' of my 'safety net' which was of course my family & friends.

Months approaching this day....I had found myself deprived of these luxuries. I was 'suddenly' far away from home (well, relatively far I guess, since studying does make it difficult for me to just hop on a plane and go home, and to think that Singapore is so close); my friends were all either tying the knot, moving away, or studying in different countries. You got the feeling of being alone and that perhaps 'random' experiences might not be as comfortable as before.

So now, what am I realizing by this 'turning point'?

That, Yes, I do need to make 'plan of actions'; that, Yes, I must take more responsibility and that I will be facing more of this responsibility whether I like it or not. That there might not be a 'comfort zone' available anytime I need it, unless I create my own.

So, instead of making 'random' targets for this next 1 year, I've tried to envision a sort of 'story board' and make my intermediate targets accordingly.
Well, it’s not a perfect plan yet, but at least the blue print is already on the table.

All it takes now is more effort, more concentration and more prayers.

A friend told me that 'life begins at 40, so just relax, you still have time',
But for me, I think, 'life begins when you want it to begin'

So, here's to Life!
Cheers!

-moenlite-
09/09/78-09/09/04

Bomb explosions and stuff....

A bomb just exploded in Jakarta today.

I do not see this event any less/more than any bomb explosion happening in any other part of the world.
But I guess what makes it a bit 'larger', is that it had been a bit 'too close to home' this time. It happened in my own backyard, my own city, a street where I had spent a great deal of time in.
That's clearly still not a justification of a tragedy's 'magnitude' but that's what I feel.

Last year, another bomb had blasted right in front of my face.
The Marriot bomb was just behind the building where I was working at. I saw the ashes come down the window. It was scary. And now, being several thousand kilometers away from the event, getting scattered news here and there, makes me feel a bit paralyzed. I have now become the one asking people 'are you okay?' when it was me last year telling family and friends 'yes, I’m fine'.

Clearly, this is the last thing Indonesia needs right now.
We've been through a lot, and had seemed to be slowly moving out of the dumpster, even then I still got cynical remarks about the country/people's mischief which I think can sometimes be unfair.

Then this happened.

You start thinking, is it only a handful of people that are worried about where the country's heading at? And even worse, does it only take an even smaller number to make it worse?

I wonder if these very people who are responsible, even think....
- Who did they plan to attack? What is it the ones that were killed/hurt? I don't think so.

And

- Did they manage to 'hit' their 'target group'? I wonder if these people were even affected.

And what is apparent is that these tragedies are just causing more and more damage to the nation as a whole.
Don't they realize that the world does not see Indonesians as 'victims'.
I don't think this even cross people's minds.

When you hear bombs exploding in Indonesia (the Bali bombing, Marriot bombing, and moreover this one...) the thoughts that pass through people's minds are, 'now which group in Indonesia is it that did this, this time?'
You don't hear these sentiments when 'bigger states' experience tragedies.

Okay, I'm not trying to fuss on what is right and what is wrong here, that's a totally different story.
All I'm saying is that given the 'reality' (and it is painful), can't we at least try to stick together as a country and not damage ourselves further....?

I wonder what went through the minds of these morons, who think that killing innocent people is a valid way of making a statement (no matter what the statement is).

Who do they think they are, messing things up just for their own good?

Cause, then you see the aftermath...people get scared of us, they don't let us in their countries, they don't want to come to our neighborhoods, they don't even want to deal with us....

Let’s step back and think ahead, what can we do to help the country, not ruin it.

My deepest condolences to those whose family/friend/acquaintance were affected by the tragedy.

God bless us all.

-moenlite-
09/09/04

moenlite 

one fine day

It’s been a pretty interesting day. I’ve managed to get myself to do things that I’ve been putting off for quite some time....and it feels nice (am rewarding myself with some slack time to read magazines and watch TV...sigh....the only luxury of student life :)

It started out by baking a cake, which the last time I did this was like at the age of 7 (I guess I've been too confident from that experience, that it took me nearly 19 years later to go for it again hehehe...imagine that). Well, the cake went okay....hmm a bit burnt on the sides though to be frank hehehe...but still very much eatable...yummy :)

Then I had myself write a bit on this forum our professor has been insisting us to contribute. Okay, its only been put off a few days...but still finishing it felt good....

This blog is another thing. I'm not sure when I ever had the idea to do this, but I think its a good outlet for my pre-occupied mind.

Okay, need to go back to my 'self-rewarding' activity :)

just arrived

Hey,

Just decided to start a blog here...
Hope to share my two-cents with all of you out there.

Comments are welcome.

Cheers!