Friday, May 27, 2005

when you try



silly how one realizes such things in painful experiences.
silly that you read these in books and then only really 'get' the lesson through tears.

things i've recently learned:

- think when you speak. it might feel good to say your mind, but listening to it might be a totally different thing
- have faith in those that you love.
- potato-potato, its all the same
- don't just demand. look closely at the response and even closer in the mirror
- honest is good but sometimes its not that good.
- you don't always have to please others. truth might be bitter by every inch, but when you stack it all up and pour it out, it'll taste worse than all medicines combined
- when you love, love deeply and truly, cause that's the only way one can love

-moenlite
in case one shares the same stupidity...

Thursday, May 12, 2005

just the creepeiest feeling



my flat mates have all left today.
well, one has gone home, the other one seems to have gone out of town.
even though we don't interect as much, knowing they're just in their rooms, outside my door...gives me peace.

was still okay, chatting with my cousin, who's thousands of miles away, and my abang who's also not in singapore. even spoke to my mom over the phone.
in general, i felt more 'not in singapore' than i was here (a good dinner and chat out with aiida however ensured me that i was not in jakarta's zone).

then all of a sudden...while voice chatting past midnight (you certainly must try these devices....), the internet connection somehow got busted.

went to the kitchen, while restarting my computer....all of a sudden this creepy feeling came telling me 'yes, you are alone, in this foriegn island, how could you not have noticed...'

so i took advantage of the power of music, trying to pretend that i enjoyed this creepy feeling.

it's been some time....

-moenlite-

Thursday, May 05, 2005

...as the wind blows...



...and the semester ends ;)
[hoping that the results are not too disappointing...hmmm]

looking forward to a beautiful holiday
[eventhough filled with thesis work]

i have a feeling i'll manage to get some sun and some laughter, during these next three months...yippie... ;)

-moenlite-

*picture:
'Sunset over the Pacific', Robert H Zakon

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

on perceptions and stuff...

just finished my third exam, which allows me some time to think of non-study related issues...yippiee...



Was told today that my previous-computer from my previous-job (before this program) has been constantly logging in to my msn messenger account, an instrument I’ve only started using recently after so long (no wonder I only find this out now).

Despite the fact that I wonder why no one has told me this before, including my successor (using the machine) who could by all means find ways of contacting me and saving much trouble (both her, me and those that I suppose constantly-casually-say ‘hi, what’s up’ on my account-now-being-controlled-by-who-ever-it-is-using-the-machine).

Well, I immediately changed my password (someone please tell me this is good enough) and apparently my successor was told how to take care of the disturbance (I’ve also found that windows messenger keeps bugging you and is troublesome to remove even after you uninstall your msn messenger-version whatever). So I consider the issue solved.

However, I recall stories of other people who’ve had their messenger/email accounts violated by others (which is of course a totally different story in my case), and were risked being misrepresented by others.

Well, yes, there was that possibility in my case, yet I’m thinking of something else.

I think it’s amazing how more and more chances ‘others’ have in representing you, be it other people, or technology.
Worse, how these machines can act on your behalf and make your friends/acquaintances think ‘what’s up with her today?’.

Which leads on to other incidences when you make conclusions of other people based on a particular timing that could and could not be very good for them.
For instance, you pass by me just when I’m late for an exam (God forbid), totally frazzled and rushing through the door. You say ‘hi’ or worse, ask an ‘important’ question (unfortunately I’ve found that ‘important’ can be such a relative term, sigh...), and my face goes ‘what...?’ in a way that might disturb you and make you think ‘what’s up with her?’ or worse...make conclusions that ‘this person is such a...[fill in the blanks]’.
Then voila, someone has an impression about you. And you don’t even realize it.

A ‘good-outcome scenario’ is like me asking my brother (real-life story of an evil younger sister hehehe...) if I can borrow his whatever (too many different events, involving too many different requests)...hmmm...while he’s only half awake ;).
Of course (I pretend not to realize this of course)—him being only half conscious and can not be taken too seriously, and would do anything to make me stop bugging him—says ‘yes’, and of course I (grinning) take it as a valid response. Yup, you actually allowed me to use your stuff/agreed to pick me up in the afternoon at my friend’s place, etc. etc...(I admit guilty after so long hehehe...*peace bro...*)

Well, of course, I might be going totally out of context, yet I can’t help but wonder that, yes, we have no power as to change anyone’s perception of us [good or bad].
However, doesn’t it just make you wonder how many times/people we’ve wrongly judged as well?
Definitely something I’d ponder next time I ever make a judgment/conclusion on others. Hmmmm...

Okay, need to go back to my study-preparation-related activities
(as in: doing something-while-thinking-about-studying kind of activities...)

Till then!

-moenlite-
[thinking about jogging, but looking at the dark clouds as a good excuse not to...;)]

why not

just want to be someone else at the moment....

-moenlite-
[one more coming up, then the last...]

Friday, April 29, 2005

a shed of light...



/having my tea/listening to maroon five/feeling a bit low key
/staring at life/wondering...

looking back, i was always this new kid in school, the new kid in the neighborhood...
too many times in fact.
always had to play this ‘some one new one no one’ that people noticed standing in the front of the classroom, being introduced...so many faces, so many names, so many stories, disconnected...
looking not so far back, i’m almost always the new person around, moving in, moving out. too easy now...
‘guess, now I understand why things have happened the way they have.
no, am not in regrets. no, its not some sort of excuse.
yes, it has caused good, also not so good.

no, wouldn't want it differently.
it just is. that’s all...

-moenlite-
[feeling the sun staring back in the face]

*picture:
'staring at the sun'

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

...just in between...

pilot.

-moenlite-
[two down, two to go...]

Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, April 24, 2005

as tomorrow comes



bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

-moenlite-
[exam mode, on]

*picture:
www.islamic-paths.org/ images/kcl-islam_small.jpg

Saturday, April 23, 2005

one day at a time



..14 days and my thesis work will start [oh my...]
..12 days and this semester will be over [yipiee...]
..5 days and I’d be officially in Singapore for 10 months [just another 8 months to go...]
..5 days and my term paper needs to be submitted, yet need to attend this luncheon with some delegates from Sri Lanka [hmmm...]
..2 days and my exams will begin [wish me luck...]

guess I’ll just have to take ‘em as they come...

-moenlite-
[first things first...]

*picture:
'Golden clock Harvard hall', Steven Pinker