catching that rainbow

there are times we say our good bye-s...

in circles

Life under the lime light
Is that really the safest place one can be?
Then those who are just off stage,
Try to imagine how it would be like to be there
So there it goes, circle by circle
Never ending.

Is God playing a game on us?
Or is it us who wish to play?

-moenlite-

*picture: Tulip Petals, by John Grant

j'imagine....

Can you imagine a world without you
How happy or not so happy people might be
Then you wonder what if you had never existed
Would it have made a difference at all?

-moenlite-

fading into thin air....but why?

I shed my tear
You shed your’s
But what difference does it make if life is run the way it is
And that two worlds apart would never be as one
No matter how hard you see it
No matter how hard one tries...

Or maybe one should not try,
Knowing that seeing is believing
And that there is no sight of such unseen

Where does such fit in.
Where can those be?

Only in a life, as told by thee.

-moenlite-
[mumbling her way through nighttime fables...]

those categorized under self-inflicted illusions

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Lights are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
[there's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around
[no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[one lonely star you dont know who you are]
Take a Bow, Madonna

Funny how things appear the way they are..
and how things are not always how they seem to be.
Would you rather know all that goes on around you
or would you just be better off not knowing?

as they say, ignorance is bliss.....
but maybe only, sometimes...?

-moenlite-
[perhaps.....]

delightful surprise

Was in the bookshop the other day and found out that one of my favorite authors has released another book...
Yippiee!!





















Will have to list out all those interesting ones and order them through Amazon.
Well, after I finalize this one project that is. Its just been too long now.

-moenlite-

lost in translation?

Had a rather unpleasant experience going home by bus this evening.

As I approached the bus stop I noticed a young mother (say around 30 max) and her son; the little boy looked just like my eldest nephew and it seemed that he was having a small fit. And it did appear that the mom felt rather embarrass that he was upset and making a lot of noise.
I personally tend to think that kids don’t need to ‘punished’ for expressing their feelings in public, they’re too young to understand anyways, and its not really ‘their fault’ that they ‘embarrass’ us (I think it stems more from our own ‘guilty feeling’ to society, its not really anything to blame the kid about). Yet then again, it’s a large dilemma for the parents I suppose. So I always try to look undisturbed or even give an ‘understanding smile’ if the kid is near me, as the situation is already tough enough. Well they were standing far away from me, so I didn’t really noticed them too much.

Then the bus came, and I when in to sit in the set of seats that face each other.
And turns out, they came and sat next to me. I had a number of bags with me, one was my laptop case. Now since the little boy sat in front of me, I thought I better ‘secure’ the laptop by placing it further from his small feet (that seemed like it was going to make a ‘kicking move’—it would be foolish not to avoid possible damage and expect you can blame someone else for your loss, there’s no such thing as being too careful ;). Then all of a sudden the little boy moved and sat right next to me. And the mom with all her effort to calm the boy down, told him (I think, cause it was in French, but from the gesture I could understand) that he better behave and not move too much, cause he will disturb me.
So in reflex I told the mother (in English) not to worry, and that I understand how little kids can be, that I too have a nephew his age.
And to my surprise, she seemed upset and asked me ‘Don’t you speak French?!”
So I said ‘No, I don’t. I was just saying that he reminds me of my nephew’ (I was a bit surprised with her reaction and didn’t really know what else to say to her, and tried hard to think what ‘nephew’ was in French. I was this close to tell her he reminds me of my son :P just to ‘save’ my self).
Then I was more surprised when she said in a really harsh tone, ‘I don’t speak English, I don’t know what you are saying!’ with a gesture like being very offended.
So I just kept quiet and remembered how awkward it must be for her as well, as she might expect my ‘english’ telling her that ‘I’m disturbed, can’t your son behave?’

Somehow her reaction to me really made me sad. It was a bit weird actually. I wasn’t upset at all with her. But just really really sad. And missed my nephew so so much.
Seriously, that last 5 minutes on the bus waiting for it to approach my apartment was the worst trip I ever had. I went home feeling really down and puzzled.

Then re-thinking the situation again, I guess it was very likely that she didn’t mean to be rude, just that her intonation in using English (a language that I can understand, which makes one also very easy to ‘misunderstand’ when used in different ways) made me ‘understand’ her differently, and making the situation (to me) appear really weird.

So then I wondered how she understood the situation...

Yeah, talk about culture shock. Geez...

-moenlite-
[feeling much better after dinner and one long phone call :)]

seeking unsought sights

A friend of mine told me he had a pretty bizarre dream of me last night.
Was rather a nightmare to be exact, but as one is told, nightmares can actually have good interpretations. And what he and his girlfriend found out (yeah, they really are sweet people :) was that it could mean that I was up to reviving my life, and letting go of some parts of it that needed to be cleared out. I thought that was an interesting and perhaps an appropriate idea. Excess baggage in life is never a good thing.

So in celebration of that idea, I’ve modified the blog as well, well I once read that colors do in fact have a certain psychological effect (hence the reason why I commit enough time dressing before an important meeting or interview, etc. well, lets just say that results have been pretty effective so far ;). Trying to find different designs from those that Blogger provides, but seems like the code is not yet compatible with Bloggers new interface. Hmmm.....

Well, I’m also on this new diet my boss entertained us on.
It wasn’t rocket-science, plus very easy…(hence the reason why I dare to try ;)
Basically it goes like this: you can have all sweet stuff in the morning, as this is the best time that your body reacts to it, and this keeps you from falling into a ‘low’ during the day when you crave for sweets. Then in the afternoon, you can consume all sorts of stuff (except sweets) including carbohydrate. Now in the evening, you can only have protein, no carbs or sweets allowed. Your body is supposed to burn the fat when you sleep, and allow you to reduce weight,
Well, I haven’t succeeded so far, and I’m sure a little dose of exercise would help do the trick….yet with the decline in temperature here in cheese-land I’m more inclined to stay put at home and sip my new-found tea ;)

Not so lucky in the new apartment search though. Have been looking and looking and yet no results. So I guess I need to stay put and enjoy the one I have. Its not bad at all actually. So no complaints here :) but a smaller and cheaper one would definitely make life much more brighter ;)

My new phone just arrived. Well, the ADSL company informed me it would arrive in due time, so in the meanwhile I got a cheap-simple one. Turns out the one they sent is so much clearer.
-Happy smiles-

Yeah, here’s to brand new things in life ;)

-moenlite-
[learning new things everyday...]

To the different walks of life one meets

Found these wise words, and wanted to share...

Reason, Season, or Lifetime
by: Brian A. "Drew" Chalker











People come into our lives life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go...
Some people become friends and stay awhile...
leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts...
and we are never quite the same
because we have made a good friend...

When someone is in your life for a REASON. . .
It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are!
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered.
And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON.
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it!
It is real!
But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships
and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind
but friendship is clairvoyant.


Then there was a prayer that came with it...

May today there be peace within you.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing that you are God’s creature.
Let His presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to sing,
dance, and to bask in the sun.
It is there for each and every one of you.

....Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching...

-moenlite-
[things that life teaches you...grateful for its lessons....]

*picture

a future glimpse of the past

(Late) Saturday mornings for me has always been the time to run errands, mend things, and sort out chores that have been pending all week long.
So, there I was walking back from a toy shop, to get a gift for a friend’s son’s birthday...and the sight in front of me gave me such a struck...

Approaching the shop was a young couple, enjoying the day.
Just your ordinary Saturday sight, yet....the lady looked so similar to my cousin and the husband looked exactly like her husband to be, the son of course was gorgeous :)

Yup, they never got married, because she passed away during such an unfortunate time.
We were exactly the same age, and loosing her that way was really really painful.

So there I was feeling sore, thinking what a lovely family they would have been,
If only....

-moenlite-
[in her loving memory...miss you so much, ‘dek pah]

...with best wishes...

A dear friend of mine is getting married this weekend.
I had planned to go, but last minute the ‘assured plan’ didn’t work out in the end, so here I am a thousand miles from her wedding. Wishing her all my best...

-moenlite-
Ps: thanks to Dian, who inspired me with this beautiful poem. This was redesigned for my dear Carolina.

the driver's seat

Interesting how life shows you sides you thought you knew but in fact never saw its beauty. For life it self has many sides...

I’ve been working on public health issues for some time now, and felt that I’ve more or less grasped most of the issues quite fully...I guess the fact that I come from a developing country myself helps make me feel more or less grounded, especially to colleagues here who haven’t had the chance to experience work at country level. Surely I felt more of my future knowledge would be on overseeing things from the far end of reality, hoping to be able to translate that in people’s needs...those far away from here.

Little did I know, reality was not beyond me (thank goodness :)
I fell a bit ill this past week. Not sure of what cause, but basically came down with something pretty serious 2 weeks ago, thought I had recovered, then had this really bizarre dose of vertigo for 2 days. Went to the pharmacy, got some pills, as it didn’t go away, then I went to the doctor, took some blood test, and now just waiting for the result.
Surely nothing serious, its just one of those days.

But guess what I learned.

Its common knowledge (for those in this particular field) that increasing access to health facilities is a main objective. Us in Indonesia, have not yet managed to cover all that. Then there’s the issue of measuring treatment, and there are analyses of ‘the people’ trying to ‘treat themselves’ instead of seeking professional care. Now we’re talking about rural areas right?
Think again.
And this is what I learnt.

I live in a developed country, have a job that pays pretty decent, plus I’m fully covered by insurance (on some days I don’t feel as lucky though—that’s what being a human being is all about, isn’t it :P).
Now, for me to go to the doctor was rather painful. Having to take the bus (the wait, the walk, the everything) is not necessarily the easiest thing to do when your vision tends to take a 360 degree spin every now and then (the vertigo)—plus its worse if the public transportation is far from reliable, as it usually is in developing countries, unfortunately. But even here, where all is seemed peach and perfect, its not the most convenient way to transport when you’re ill.
I don’t have a car because I decided to put that off until later; and I seriously don’t think driving myself there is actually recommended :P. So, having someone to take me was the best solution. Yet, everybody has their own lives, their own different schedules, so then again, its not necessarily that easy.

Well, thank God I was well capable of going to the Medical Centre myself (though the dozen stairs going up to reach the MedCentre was a rather weird surprise), and didn’t need to leave work for it—and I’m sure I could rely on some people to be kind enough to help in case I didn’t manage to.
But the point here is that...I immediately was reminded of a discussion I had a year ago with a seasoned officer in the Ministry of Health, working on Maternal and Child health and the topic was about increasing access to health facilities in the village for Maternal care. He argued that yes, providing incentives (as in a small stipend) for the patient to seek treatment in a sub district level was all well intended for, yet...do you really think the lady could go out there on her own? She’d need a chaperone, and if you don’t provide the chaperone with the same facility, then tough luck, the lady stays sick in the village. Plus, if this is provided the chaperone has time (can leave his/her work/family etc), cause if not, then that also leads to a no go. Though what he said made sense, my immediate thought (of course internally) was that ‘boy, that’s just making a simple thing too complicated’. If a woman needs treatment, you give her money, she goes and seeks treatment, and voila...she get better *yes, given the quality of care is sufficient—but that’s an overall goal* (btw, this is all a simplistic response to such direct approaches. I in particular have my own views; for example that what ever support is provided for public services, it should as much as it could aim to strengthen existing channels. But that’s a different posting).
So, what the guy said made sense, but then again, it didn’t really sink in, until today.

Yeah, put yourself in the passenger’s seat once in a while :)

-moenlite-

just out your window

you look out your window and the rain falls,
the weather chills
and your weekend frills...

then you look a bit closer,
and there are those that hold on tight
stand by near...
appreciate the fact that warmth is dear

then you realize not all downpours are evil
and not all bad things either

so you tune down your blanket,
grab the morning paper
and notice the world in a different light....


-moenlite-
[on her way to carouge..]

not a planet away...

Interesting how life seems to put you on a rollercoaster every once and a while; and Idul Fitri has always been one of its most remarkable turning points, at least for me.
Two years straight, I have spent Ramadhan away from home—even though I was living just a few thousand miles away (1.5hour flight to be exact);
And now that I live so much further away (almost half way across the globe), I felt really blessed to be able to spend 3 whole weeks of Ramadhan (plus 1 more week beforehand) at home. No, I didn’t get to spend Idul Fitri in Jakarta (which makes that 3years in a row), as one must be able to see one’s blessing, esp.when most of things in your life happens without you having much control over them (the past two years was because of exams, and this year I just started a new job), etc...etc.
So enough said, I simply assumed that this Idul Fitri would be my typical ‘distant-Ied celebration’, and perhaps even worse since there are not that many relatives (or those I could ‘claim’ as relatives :P, like I did in Spore hehehe) here in G town.
But little did I know, that this year would have such a spiritual meaning.

So I took the morning off from work, and came by M’C+M’H’s house as they invited me to join them for breakfast before going to the Indonesian Mission for prayers. I then realized that it’s been a while since I had this ‘Ied-breakfast’, I definitely didn’t get to do this in Spore, as I’d just rush off to the Embassy, and have breakfast alone. And since this was a real family, it was definitely nice to experience such an occasion with them, and really made me miss my own family and home in Jakarta.

We then went to the Indonesian Embassy for prayers, and as we got there and followed the whole Takbir process and Ied prayer...I was nearly in tears (literally) the whole time.
I’m not sure if it’s because I felt rather ‘alone’ there (most of the people here were families), but I think it was mostly because the crowd was so small (Spore definitely had more Indonesians praying in its Embassy), and made the whole ‘we’re all so far away from our own family—that we are all family here’ feeling so intense. It was a really magical experience for me.
After the prayers and khutbah, everyone went around the big room and exchanged greetings, asking forgiveness for all wrongdoings in the past. Since I knew some of the people there from 4 years ago, it was nice to meet them again, and renew 'silaturahmi' ties. It was really touching.

Then everyone went back to their homes to change (while I went to M’C+M’H’s house of course :P), then people headed for the Ambassador’s open house...which was just great. Funny how people were draped in their beautiful Kebaya and Tunics (I believe I was among the very few who came in Tunic—since I had to go to the office straight afterwards—come to think of it, I might have been the only one in Tunic, as everybody dressed pretty formal :P, well, there’s always next year—well...hopefully not really :P) and came in covered with coats and thick mantels, more of a chill-look of Idul Fitri :) Kind of got me reminisce a bit about small parties held in Pittsburgh when we were young (don’t think I owned a Tunic back then, though ;P).
So after such an elaborate lunch with delicious Indonesian delicacies, off we went back to the office (well, me in particular. M’C and M’H took the day off, lucky them :). And then all of a sudden I was transformed back into a pretty ‘normal’ afternoon where Idul Fitri cakes did not exist :)
Well, mind you...life is filled with secret blessings that others might not realize why you look so full and content ;)

Happy Hari Raya everyone...
Minal Aidin wal Fadizin!

-moenlite-

*picture:
Mosque

as the day goes by

somehow, today doesn't appear to be as promising as it seemed the day before.
life, always manages to sneak up behind you when you least expect it....

-moenlite-
[full of it...]

coming home?

Sometimes you can be really really blessed, even when things don’t really seem to be turning your way.
After two years spending Ramadhan and Iedul Fitri far away from home—even though I was only separated by a 1.5 hour flight. Living even further now, I was almost certain that this would lead to more Ramadhans away from home.
But, good thing I was wronged.

Having to attend a huge meeting *at least in the eye of the host* in my previous domain, thus seeing the opportunity to schedule meetings in my own home town-yes, its actually for work, and yes, certainly paid and planned for, no complains here :)- I later on realized that the timing was just perfect...(at least for me :).
I get to spend around 2 weeks of Ramadhan at home.

Yes, in terms of work, it might be a bit tricky to arrange meetings and all; but since I refuse to accept that fasting reduces productivity (though I only have control over myself, of course) I hope there’s a way to make things happen in timely manner.
Not that I don’t appreciate the fact that I can enjoy even more time back home, but...one, I must look after the main interest of my work (no I’m not a workaholic, I’m just trying to be responsible and work for my earning’s worth), and two...somehow I’m starting to realize that now, this city is where vacations or missions take place, and that this city is where I actually reside.
Interesting, since this is something pretty new to me, but I guess its part of growing up.
Yes, life can really amaze you sometimes :)

-moenlite-
*picture, by Richard Ross

kicking in

It’s been two weeks now in this ‘new’ city;
I’ve had my share of ups and downs...near-breakdown moments as well...I must admit it’s not the easiest part of life—moving in and setting up; I’m just really hoping its worth it this time. Yes...it’s not really my first episode, needless to say I’m kind of hoping its my last...at least for a rather long time.
The team I’m working in is really great…the organization is also really swell. People seem friendly here...yet again, they all assume you know certain things, which most likely...you don’t.
One big soothing element in my life here are friends. I’m very lucky to be surrounded by really awesome-true hearted friends...a bit unlikely to have actually for someone new in the city. But, yes...I already have some groups of friends that I really enjoy and cherish. Not to mention a really cool young family who've really been very generous in leeting me crash in their place (I wasn't really planning to stay so long there, but under some circumstances, it was really inevitable).
Interesting enough, it was even a bit difficult for me to arrange my birthday dinner arrangement.

My birthday...yes, that happened last weekend in fact. Interesting enough...I spent it in a most unlikely manner. Mind you, this is the 4th time (3rd in a row) that I’ve had to spend my birthday far away from home. On my birthday this year, I went shopping for furniture (like in...a whole apartment worth of furniture, since the apartment was totally empty) and had to assemble the furniture and plan the whole thing while arranging for meetings and not-to-mention other crazy things people at work do. Frantic? Sort of...but remember, I have friends :) They made it all possible.
So as the story goes, on the 9th of September, I started off in the morning getting a lift from an office friend, who had no idea (neither did I) that his morning would be spent helping me lift heavy furniture knocked-down boxes. Having a planned list of things (including measurement, model, price, etc) really helped…esp. with IKEA’s cool online information.
Then I hired a truck with two handymen—rented by the hour, nearly put a hole in my wallet, but really worth it—(thanks to my friend’s information) to help carry the things to the apartment. Then a group of friends were ready to help assemble the furniture...we finished everything by 9pm then headed to a cool Italian restaurant where we had dinner and then the surprise birthday cake showed up ;) that was really nice :))
There were other plans with some people in the office...but I guess that needs to be re-arranged since the coming weeks seem to be pretty filled up.

Life has been quite interesting so far.
What more can a girl ask for? ;)

A tout à l'heure!
-moenlite-

*Picture

leaving on a jet plane....

Funny how things seem to finally come in to place...
and how reluctant you feel to actually leave...

yet...'tis a journey one must go through,
one can only pray that things go well.

-moenlite-
[confirmed documents in hand...]

when the world smiles at you...

Accompanied a friend to a wedding tonight (both and groom and bride were from the same HS), and was surprisingly happy to see several friendly faces there (my old friends, who also happen to know the couple/their family)...there were 3 of my HS friends, a friend’s friend, and my neighbor and his wife...really enjoyed spending time talking to them more than one would usually do when its their own crowd…especially that I haven’t seen them in years...

Then, came home to find a reply email from my former boss (it was her birthday today), and she told me that she too was moving to Geneva...really great news...haven’t seen her in years, we both moved out of the organization almost at the same time, around 3 years ago...she left the country and I followed suit (to a different place) sometime afterwards... But we kept in touch through email (at least during birthdays, and when I need her recommendation letters *grin*...). I really enjoyed working with/for her...I hope we get to spend some time now that we’ll be in one city again...that’ll be splendid :)

Yes, good friends are definitely one of life’s precious treasures...I wouldn’t trade them for the world...

-moenlite-
[big smiles...]

*picture, by Wilson Low